Privilege

I've been pondering what people mean by "privilege" in the context of current affairs (civil rights, freedoms and responsibilities). And I've been pondering whether I fall into the category of "privileged," because self-examination is as important in personal growth as it is in the fight against testicular cancer.

My conclusion, so far, is that, it MUST be a privileged person who doesn't vote, and avoids educating themselves about politics, and doesn't fight with their vote for civil rights. It is an unavoidable conclusion that a privileged person must be a person who does not belong to an oppressed group of people. It must be a person who does not struggle financially everyday. It must be a person who isn’t black. It must be a person who isn’t gay. It must be a person who isn’t “of color” of any sort. It must be a person who is not female.It must be a person who never struggled with gender or sexual identity issues. It must not be children taken from their parents. It must be a person who’s civil rights are not in danger. It must not be a person who flees from violence and oppression from their own people and government. It must be a person who never experienced the fear of police brutality or profiling.

In short, people who don't vote, and avoid educating themselves about politics, and don't fight for civil rights, the people who tell us all to “play nice”, the people who are tired of Facebook posts like these, the people who think us being engaged in politics is “annoying” - they must be highly privileged. It is the only logical conclusion. They not only don’t want to fight, but have no need to fight, because their life, their safety, their livelihood, their freedom, their PRIVILEGE, is not at stake. They claim to not know about politics - but they lack motivation to educate themselves because they are not affected - they are *privileged.*

There is a short list of labels for people that fit this highly privileged group of folks - but I’ll let the reader do that math.

The rest of us, A.K.A. the minority groups, are fighting for our lives - literally. We fight for our safety. We fight for our relationships, our culture, our art. We fight for living wages and fair workplace environments. We fight for our right to unionize. We fight for our freedom, for some semblance of privilege. We fight for our dignity and respect.

There are many minority voices that are oppressed - and many reasons for that oppression - not wanting to be "out" at work for fear of losing a job or being harassed or bullied, the protection of people within our care, or perhaps fear of having our civil liberties ripped from us.

But THAT is exactly why we, the minority groups, have to be educated about politics, that is why we share strong opinions, that is why we are emphatic about elections and voting. I recognize that it is, ironically, a place of privilege that I live and work in a safe place where I can be myself. But there is all that distance traveled between work and home where I am, in fact, at risk of oppression - at the bakery, at the grocery store, at the bank, at a restaurant, in an alley or on the street. We can’t afford to be nice about it - because our oppressors aren’t nice. They are bigots and murderers and bullies, and xenophobes, and homophobes, and racists, and misogynists, and transphobic, and sexists, yes, they are politicians.

If we, the minority groups, don't vote, and don’t participate in politics, if we don't fight for civil rights, WE LOSE. If you don’t know what THEY are doing to us, WE LOSE. There are real lives at stake here - and very real civil liberties at stake.

There are many of you who say our tool, our secret weapon, is our VOTE. Although important, that is only partially true. Our real ace-in-the-hole is YOU - our friends, our family, our coworkers, our ALLIES. We are a minority, which means our votes can be oppressed by a sheer function of numbers. But our ALLIES can shore up those numbers, make our votes count. We need you.

Educate yourself. Read up on the candidates, ask your affected friends and families, ask an immigrant, ask a member of a minority group - ask how they are affected, ask how their loved ones are affected.

Please help us overcome our minority disadvantage - get out and vote this November. Vote at the local, state and federal levels to protect civil rights - vote for the candidates who will protect civil rights, who will protect minorities, who has compassion and empathy and human decency. VOTE, please, to protect that transgender child in your family tree. Vote to protect your GBF. Vote to protect the immigrant running from violence and oppression, just like many of our own ancestors.

Green Theatre?

Theatre, by nature, is creating a set that is its own character on stage, that represents the artistic vision of its creators, and that must be convincing to the audience's eye and aids in the storytelling - but in terms of becoming a "green theatre," you have to admit, it can be wasteful. Think about it - we create temporary scenery on a stage for the entertainment of an audience, tell our story, then rip it all down to make room for the next story.

Many materials, like lumber, get pitched to the dumpster because they are too small to get reused, too damaged, or too specific to a show to have a use again.

While theatres like Trustus try to be more "green," especially because we are on tight budgets, it can be very challenging. 

We make every attempt to reuse materials. One example of this is employing the use of "stock" flats. A flat is a structure that is a theatre wall, masking, painting or other surface in a set. By using a standard size of 4'x8', frequently the flats can be reused in future shows - a way to save costs and prevent waste. 

Often times, when we reuse flats, it's like taking a trip down memory lane. Like in this picture, when a flat from a production of Hand To God meets a flat from a production of Barbecue to make up the set of our upcoming Evil Dead, The Musical. They will, of course, be repainted for the scene, making them virtually unrecognizable as their originals.

The reuse of items from sets often creates what we call "Easter Eggs" - little, hidden aspects of the show the audience or the cast/crew might see if they're looking hard enough. Originates from the the 1975 movie "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," when the cast had an Easter Egg hunt but most of the eggs went unfound. They can be seen throughout the film in various locations (such as under Frank N. Furter's throne).

The audience isn't always the intended viewer of these Easter eggs, though. For example, when I was working on the national tour of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, the backside of the several flats had these little treats:

 

These are cutouts from the original show posters - fun little memory trips visible only to actors and crew.

Sometimes, though, the Easter Eggs are a little more lo-fi:

(SIDE NOTE on Easter Eggs: they're not always visual: take the musical, Hamilton, for example. Some  noteworthy easter eggs include “The Ten Duel Commandments,” which is a nod to Notorious B.I.G. with his song “The Ten Crack Commandments.” “Helpless” has a subtle similarity to Beyoncé’s “Countdown,” with Eliza evoking the pop diva’s vocal style and riffs. Then there’s “Meet Me Inside,” which has notes of DMX’s “Party Up (In Here).")

The point is, there's more to theatre than meets the eye, and recycling materials can be fun, too! We may never be truly "green", unless we make the conversion to more eco-friendly systems and practices.

Want some examples? 

A) Modern LED technology in stage lighting is one example of reducing our environmental impact - our current incandescent lighting at Trustus Theatre still requires a stagehand to be locked in a sub-basement shoveling coal into a furnace and shouting Trump-epitaphs - whereas the LED equivalent would result in huge reductions in electricity from both the lighting and from the cooling bill.

B) Paperless ticketing, the wave of the future, is not yet finessed at Trustus and many other theatres, either - a patron can show their ticket on their mobile device to our house manager and be seated without a physical ticket - but many of our patrons opt for more traditional methods.

C) Trustus is currently campaigning to raise money for replacing our roof and AC systems - both of which are bleeding money, and heat, out through the cracks. Both date back to the early 80's and were not designed with economy in mind. Never mind that when it rains, we have to strategically place buckets throughout the building. You can help - donate through our website at http://trustus.org/donate/

In conclusion, becoming a "green" theatre is hard work, and costly. But leave it to theatre folks to find the fun in it!

Building the prison

"

It always amazes me that simplicity in a set can really impress audiences. A clock, a few security cameras, a two-way mirror, and a watercooler- and a cinder block wall - and the audience sees a prison. More accurately, an interrogation room within a prison, but you see my point.

The set is Building The Wall, a future-set play that follows the logical and scary timeline of our current anti-immigration agenda by that moron of a President, Donald Trump. More about the play at Trustus Theatre here: http://trustus.org/event/building-the-wall/

How? That cinder block wall is insulation foam - sheets of it, approximately 3/4" thick by 4'x8' - not gonna keep anyone in that really wants to get out... However, we've got a good record of no escape attempts in this prison...

The technique is to add texture to the smooth foam surface by using a paddle with exposed staples - beating the hell out of the surface, leaving numerous holes to give that cinder block texture. Then, using a hot soldering iron tip, outlining the brick pattern by melting deep trenches that mimic the mortar line. A paint treatment of water and latex paint - spray water first, to allow the paint to penetrate the holes created by the paddling. Then, a second coat to insure the awful green color doesn't bleed through. Tip: use the blank side of the foam, not the printed side.

Church of Imprisoned Identity.

I was reading about Caitlyn Jenner, and I'm one of those empathetic guys. I can empathize with someone who isn't happy with what they see in the mirror; with someone who can't reconcile their personality or identity with their outward visage.

I think many people are way too hard on the girl, and justify their illogic by saying things like, oh, she did it for the publicity, or she did it to make money...

It doesn't make sense, not one tit, what people say she did it for, because NO ONE changes their gender for a publicity stunt or a get-rich-quick scheme. Not one soul. Guaranteed.

When people say such things, it is my belief that they think too shallowly. It may be that they are angry over what they consider a betrayal by a favorite public figure turning out to be something or someone else. It may be that they harbor secret desires to make changes in themselves and resent that someone else actually could do it. It may be that they think rich people don't deserve happiness, don't deserve self-realization, don't deserve privacy in very private matters. All these types of thinking are shallow and shameful.

WE, the society that elevated Jenner to a celebrity status through our consumption of entertainment - WE owe Jenner an apology. Here's a person who sacrificed their privacy to tell a story, to make public a story that desperately needed to be told. WE consumed that story. WE cannot be unmoved, WE purport to be a compassionate people but WE treat the story like entertainment.

But it's all very real to Jenner, and people like Jenner all over the world.

Not everyone has the financial means to do anything about it. Not everyone can get their story told. Not everyone has people to listen to their story. Many people like Jenner have to be the victim in the story, and never get to be the hero.

Prejudice plays a vicious role in how the public reacts to Jenner. Is there such a word as "transphobia?" As usual, WE (the society) are piranhas about that which is foreign, that which is uncomfortable, that which is different. WE claim a moral stance from behind a mask and call it "religion." I call it the Church of Imprisoned Identities - complete with chains and manacles and torture devices and that incessant chanting.

Having known only a very few transgender folk in my lifetime personally, I feel under-educated. I know so little about the story they have to tell.

In one case, the person couldn't do anything about her situation until MUCH later in her life, and suffered much at the hands of employers, friends and family over the transition.

In another case, I knew a youngster who knew at an early age and found support in family and friends.

The only other case that I'm aware of personally was of a woman who took very nearly a lifetime to make the transition, due to money issues, lack of support, and outright opposition.

I do NOT confuse transgender with cross-dressing. I fully recognize there is a distinct and important difference between the two. But I do know of at least one individual who cross-dresses (in secret) only because transition is forever out of reach for his personal situation.

Under-educated doesn't have to be unenlightened. I can't imagine living my life not as my self. How horribly foreign it must be to be trapped into an existence that is brought about by the expectation of others, that is forced into necessity due to the hate by others. What prison could be worse than the one in our minds, our freedoms stripped by the attitudes and prejudices of others?

I have been fortunate enough to be free to be who I am at a fairly early age. In high school, I did not dare to be me. Shortly after high school, I can remember denying myself to people who I thought were my friends. In my twenties, I was able to be more honest with myself, and therefore more honest with others. I was lucky. I was just gay. It doesn't cost thousands of dollars to come out (unlike transitional surgeries for transgenders). I can be selectively closeted if necessary, to preserve career, relationships, perceptions.

Transgender folk have to start whole new lives. There's no hiding it - they either have to give up their existing lives and move elsewhere so their transition is not known; or they have to "come out" in a far more dramatic way in their current lives -  a far more visible way, a far more public way.

I propose that we all go easy on transgenders, because either way, it's a tremendous course they are taking. They need our support, our compassion, our empathy, our sympathy - our love.

See Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair

(This has been a stream-of-consciousness which I will surely revisit for editing and completeness.)

Magic-Mike-Types.

I never saw "Magic Mike." I don't expect to see "Magic Mike XXL."

There, I said it.

How can I resist, you ask?

The guys are hot. The guys in jeans are hot. There is no doubt.

But, inexplicably, I have no interest in the movie(s). I can't explain it. Please don't ask me to.

But since you asked, I postulate that it may be the simple reason that I may have seen exactly ALL of the best moments already through trailers and PR photos. Or, it may be that watching a bunch of (straight) women clamor over these very hot guys does little to veil a flimsy plot line. Or, it may be that guys like these don't REALLY exist.

Who knows? One thing for sure, it's not fair for me to hazard any guesses, because I haven't seen the material.

What is fair to say, though, is that, while these guys are hot (have I said that yet?), these guys don't satisfy my desire for REAL men. These guys are porn quality - the two-dimensional type hot guys I can see in every porn video who wouldn't give me the time of day in real life.

I want to know where there are more "Full Monty" type guys in modern entertainment. All we ever see in movies, it seems, are these "Magic Mike" types - the guys who CAN "get the girl" with absolutely no problem. For that matter, they surely can "get the guy," too, if they are so inclined.

Me? I root for the underdog - the "normal" guy with a few more curves and imperfections that make him REAL. I'd rather spend my ticket money on helping THAT guy feel sexy and desirable. Hell, I AM that guy. I want to feel desirable and sexy, to know that my technique of muscle-concealment is appealing to someone (anyone!).

However, having said all that, if any of the "Magic Mike" guys showed up at my party and asserted how REAL they are, I might be convinced. Please try.

Never Forgotten

So many good things in life are tenuously anchored and it only takes a good quick current to carry them away.

I always discover this the hard way.

That's me, there, clinging to the branch that has the potential to save my life, but even greater potential to snap and take me with it over the edge of the fierce waterfall.

Today I watched a documentary on people with Bipolar disorder called Of Two Minds. I remember thinking to myself that these people can't be bipolar - they don't have enough cats.

One of the characters in the documentary said she preferred a natural method for controlling her disorder, versus pills. She called it a change in lifestyle. She seemed perfectly normal to me.

Recently I lost a tooth, and I cried over it. Recurring nightmares prior to the occasion sometimes feature scenarios in which all my teeth fall out, possibly fueling the emotional reaction that caught the dentist by surprise. "Oh," she assures me,  "lots of patients cry over teeth that have to be removed." But her initial look of surprise gave it away. No one cries over a tooth.

There are little things we get emotional over, and there are big things.

I recently received an email entitled "Creative Non-Fiction Project: On Life." It absolutely floored me. Decimated me. Made me realize that I had tremendous power over someone I love... And yet I have none.

We all do. There is no one we have more power over than the people we love, while simultaneously having absolutely no power over them.

What's more vicious is the power they have over us.

Two words, just two written words, on any other day might have been said, or taken, in jest.

But on that day, they were savage. Cry-worthy. Devastating.

A wise friend once told me some fantastic advice. "Assume Positive Intent," he said. You see, too often I assume the negative - usually because I don't have enough information and am too non-confrontational to ask. And usually I find out after-the-fact that I was wrong to assume the negative at all. "There's more to the story - and two sides to every story," my wise friend says.

But how much, exactly, can I read-into two words? Spoken words have inflection, expressions, body language, volume, and sometimes spittle, to provide clues of intent, meaning, emotion...

But written word - it must be carefully crafted - and even more carefully read. Written words can take on new life, new meaning, new character, when heard in our head. That voice in our head can be merciless, suspicious, biased, and way off base. That's the power of written words.

I therefore respond to those two words with these carefully crafted two words: "Never Forgotten."

Body Motivations - Part II

A while back I posted a casual entry called Body Motivations, which touched on the right of businesses to advertise to their target audience using male almost-nudes in their campaigns and in-store advertising. Of course, I used that premise as an excuse to post various advertisers ad campaigns as examples, a visually pleasurable tour, to say the least.

As I grow older and struggle with maintaining personal fitness, I find it necessary to inspire myself through any means available. A good dance song that makes me want to move (exercise), or a good visual stimulation such as a great male nude photo. Such pictures are not just for "gentleman's time," but are good for goal-setting and comparisons.

In my quest for inspiration, I have run across some more examples of photos that inspire, and I just thought I'd share:

Yes, that's Mark Wahlberg - one of the few that managed to survive teen-idol status and graduate into someone who is still very handsome and respected in the Arts/Entertainment community. And he still inspires, even today:

There is no shortage of Underwear makers who utilize the male form to advertise their product (for which I am grateful):

In particular, I am grateful for Andrew Christian, who is NOT afraid to cater to the gay male as their target audience.

Sorry, that picture was uploaded in error, as it it obviously has very little to do with body motivation.  THIS is the picture I meant to post: 

There's just something about anatomically correct underwear, football, and men that's just, well, um, inspiring. And I say, three cheers for Andrew Christian, because they have inspired millions, in print media, as well as in streaming/internet content!

Of course, the general public, at least in America, shuns male nude models in advertising, especially in public. There are many excuses, but the bottom line seems to be that either puritanical ideas of "religion" or "the-children-might-see" mentality tends to discourage the use of male nudes in advertising. However, it does seem perfectly okay to display women in various forms of undress in everyday advertising!  (Don't worry, women are NOT the subject of THIS blog entry...)

In other parts of the world, it would appear that people are far less uptight about showing body. The Leopold Museum, housed in the Museumsquartier in Vienna, Austria, home to one of the largest collections of modern Austrian art, featuring artists such as Egon Schiele, Gustav Klimt, Oskar Kokoschka and Richard Gerstl, had an exhibition (if you'll pardon the pun) of "Naked Men" by Ilse Haider in 2012. The posters they used to advertise the show caused controversy, causing a requirement of a "red stripe" to conceal the man bits.

Sometimes it really does seem that America is awfully uptight, especially when we can see naked Hindus in public events:

Or bike rides that would NEVER happen in America...

Except I'm wrong. THIS happened in Chicago:

But from the looks of that photo, most of those guys NEEDED body motivation. So, here's some body motivation to my fellow cyclists:

And, of course, if you need motivation to be fashionably dressed, this may be motivation enough:

I've never been into sports, and especially not wrestling, but Chris Weidman makes me want to wrestle something: 

Perspective Changes Everything

Felony Arrest Of Student Who Bought Water Riles Many In Virginia

SHOULD READ:

Gang of 6 Approach a Female Student's Car and Scare the Crap Out of Her

It's night time in a parking lot and six people approach a young lady's car and bang on the windows and shout at her. I'd be scared too.

My position is simple: Why six people?  Why plainclothes?  I'd be skeptical of anyone not recognizable as police approaching my vehicle, whether they flash "badges" in the dark of the night or not.

Maybe I've seen too many movies or read too much "Crime Blotter."

But doesn't perspective change everything? Here's a young lady buying perfectly innocent items at a grocery store - no reason at all to think she's in trouble.

So why would there be cops?  Isn't probable cause called for?  Shouldn't a cop have been present at the purchase and therefore be able to see what was being purchased?  Were they guessing, outside, in that parking lot?  There doesn't seem to be any real police work here.

Here's a young lady in a parking lot, getting into her car, after visiting a grocery store for actual groceries, around 10pm (therefore it's dark and presumably scary), and a person, or persons, approach her vehicle. Why would she think they were police? 

No uniforms? A quickly flashed badge in the dark? This sounds like how all the stories of rape and muggings and assaults begin... 

I'd get the hell out of there, too!

Victory!

Gov. Nikki Haley Issues Budget Vetoes

The Governor's veto #18 cuts all operating funds - $417,750 - for the S.C. Arts Commission, eliminating their ability to function/administer any programs and services, including grants. She also vetoed the $25,000 in one-time funds for a plan a Cultural Districts Designation Program in her veto #56. More details to come but now is the time to urge your House and Senate members to vote to OVERRIDE VETO # 18 AND #56. The House is scheduled to take action Wednesday at 1PM and the Senate at 11AM on Thursday. Please act now!

Gov. Nikki Haley issues budget vetoes 

In other news of things I care about: The US Supreme Court decisions about California's Prop 8 and the so-called 'Defense of Marriage Act' (aka DOMA) will come on Wednesday, June 26 at 10am. 

Where can we learn about the decision? 

Minute by minute updates are posted live Wednesday morning on SCOTUS Blog. You can log-on to watch for free. Also, if you have Facebook, sign-up to join this ONLINE Event page. 

What can we do once we have a decision? 

Many credit the beginning of our modern LGBT movement to the Stonewall Riots on June 28, 1969 which started at one of New York's LGBT bars. 

In that spirit we will gather Wednesday from 5-6pm at PT's 1109 (1109 Assembly Street, Columbia) to organize a march through the streets of Columbia. 

- At 6pm, we will march up Gervais Street past the State House which continues to deny our equality. 

- We will turn down Main Street where the first SC Pride March was held in 1990 and pass the county courthouse at 1701 Main Street where many loving same-sex couples have been denied marriage licenses in the past. 

- We will end our march out front of Columbia's City Hall, one of the places in our state which has granted equality to our state's residents and visitors through inclusive Human Rights Ordinances. 

- From there we invite you to return to PT's 1109 with us so that we can spend time together as a community, processing the court's decisions and brainstorming ways to move forward for South Carolina. PTs 1109 will be offering Happy Hour specials till 8pm.

The results of the court's ruling will signify if this will be a celebration march or a march to call for more equality. We will have posters and supplies for you to make your own signs if you'd like. We will adjust the message of our signs based on how the court rules so come early to get ready. If it rains, bring your umbrellas!

Things you can do on Wednesday:

• Wear RED to symbolize love and commitment of marriage equality

• Tell all your friends about the march and ask them to join you in support of equality

• Post this information to Facebook and Twitter so everyone will know about the march

• Remember no matter the outcome, we will march peacefully and respectfully

• If you belong to an organization or business, bring your signs and banners so that the public will know you support equality 

• Change your Social Media profile image to reflect LGBT equality in South Carolina.

If you don't live in Columbia but are organizing an event in your town, post those events this page to share with other residents of South Carolina.

United we will stand no matter the decision and we will move forward to advance other issues of LGBT equality till Equal Means Everyone. 

If you haven't already, be sure to sign-up for South Carolina Equality action alerts to stay updated on the cases. http://goo.gl/PYmPW

Identity

Do you know any transgendered people?
(I'm listening to your answer, but I don't think you are listening to the question.)
Do you KNOW any transgendered people?
(What's the difference, you ask, between my two questions?)
Let me phrase it this way: Do you openly and genuinely associate on a personal basis with a Transgendered person?
(I do.)
I have more-than-one family member who is transgendered.
(I'm trying to protect their anonymity by being vague about their identity.)
I have several acquaintances who are transgendered.
In all cases, my associations with these people increased my awareness and compassion for the issues they experienced and are still experiencing.

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook, and since he posted it publicly, I shall quote him fairly and in its entirety (the link he refers to is immediately following):

"I'm all for equal rights for everyone, but this perplexes me. Not being insensitive, but I find it hard to believe that a six-year old has the sophistication of thought to culturally identify as transgendered. Would it not be kinder in the long run to tell the child "No, you're a boy. You have these body parts, and that means you use the boy's bathroom" than to foist this level of publicity and attention (some of it sure to be negative) on a first-grader?
This calls several levels of ethical consideration into debate...when does allowing your child to "be who he/she is" actually cause more damage than forcing the child to conform to societal norms? Children are not allowed to drink, drive cars, enter into contracts, engage in sexual behavior, or any number of other things that adults do because they (children) do not possess the knowledge or emotional maturity to make informed decisions. 
This particular case also begs the question of whether the other children in the school are being treated fairly. Does exposing them to the concept of transgenderism at such an early age force them to process issues which they are not yet culturally or psychologically prepared to fully comprehend?
Ultimately, I hope that Coy grows up to be a happy, well-adjusted adult, living whatever lifestyle he/she chooses. I also hope becoming an iconic figure as a first-grader doesn't lead to pressures that make that more difficult." 

Transgender Girl Wins Right to Use Bathroom at Public School

My friend's post surprised me, because he in fact IS probably one of the most open-minded straight people I know, and I truly enjoy his company, friendship, and insights. I also know he won't mind me tackling the issue on my blog, with due respect to him, of course. But his post reveals a conformist tendency that we all fall victim to from time to time. The "don't rock the boat" idea that manifests in the fear that the child might be harmed by the very act of defending that child's rights and identity.

I responded to his post on Facebook with a quick answer, one that I didn't spend a lot of time on, just my gut reaction to his post.

"obviously the child *IS* sophisticated enough to express it, and therefore does deserve to have attention paid to the issue. No one should have their identity forced upon them AT ANY AGE. Three cheers to the child's parents who were actually listening to their child! (If she can think it or feel it, it's real enough to be an issue)"

Too often we think, as evidenced by my friend's post, that children are not aware of their identity. That they need development and maturity to know who they are. That they are too young to understand. But identity starts forming at birth. It begins with family and environment. It succumbs to society and marketing within days, beginning with how the parents view their child (as a boy, as a girl, as a race, as a culture), because, you see, the parents decide how to dress the child, how the child will told to believe, who they will associate with, what toys they will play with, etc. So the parents decisions are shaping the identity of the child - without input from the child.

So the child emerges into self-awareness with much of his or her identity predetermined by how their parents perceived them - and now has to overcome any dissonant components, sometimes with great difficulty. A parent doesn't have anything to go on, at first, EXCEPT genitalia. So being a "boy," or being a "girl," can ONLY begin with what genitalia the child has initially. And upon this the parents start forming the child.

Identity is everything to a person. Dig deep into your own psyche and try to tell me that isn't true. When I think of WHO I am, my first thought is that I am a man - but I am not a penis (nor the color blue or a tonka truck or a cigar or a mustache). I am gay - but I am not sex (or top or bottom). I am emotional - but I am not any specific emotion. I am a member of a family, a member of a community, a member of a minority group, a citizen of a city, a citizen of a state, a citizen of a country. I could go on and on about all the things I am - but the point is, my identity is not tied to the visible, but instead, to the invisible. I am feelings, I am thoughts, I am self-aware...  etc. etc. etc.

And yet, so often, I hear gay people say things like, "I knew I was different (at a young age), I just wasn't sure what it was." My transgendered friends say that they "knew" when they were very young (this child's age), but didn't have definitions or specifics of what it is that they "knew." The theme keeps emerging in coming-out-story after coming-out-story after coming-out-story. Not just gay people, but bisexual people and transgendered people, too. I would like to offer the notion that the reason why they "don't know what it was" is because parents, and society, don't give them all the information, thinking that we have to shield them from such things.

I like this article because it means the parents were listening. They were listening when the first ludicrous idea that their boy might identify as a girl manifested in whatever way. They were listening again when the idea persisted. And maybe it took lots of listening, but the parents decided to listen, to give their child audience, to entertain the idea that they child might have a better understanding of her identity than the parents did. And the parents provided information so that the child could know what that something was. They didn't prolong or put-off a conversation with this child - and possibly saved this child years of emotional agony, years of identity-crisis!

I'm not a parent. I'm not transgendered. I can't pretend to fully understand either. I don't think there's any specific age at which it is a perfect time to discuss identity issues, but I would say there are cues and signs at every age. Cues as to whether there is an issue, signs that the issue needs discussion.

But I know that I sure would have liked parents who listened, not just to what I was saying, but to what I wasn't saying, when I was young. I, too, "knew" when I was very young, but had no outlet to explore it - no one to talk to, no one who was listening.

The result? I spent years pretending to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be - instead of who I was. My environment as a child presented me with what my parents, their social circle and my school considered "normal," but I knew I was different. With lack of information, it became this guilt, this sense of not-belonging, this sense of being different, this sense of being strange, this sense of being weird... and I was just gay - not dealing with the super-complicated transgender identity-crisis that this young child appears to be confronted with.

In which I hire a staff of gay waiters to wait upon me "hand-and-foot."

In a preemptive strike, I'm going to publicly admit that I have used the words "gay," "homosexual," and maybe even "faggot" in my lifetime. Also, I have even considered hiring an all gay staff of waiters to serve me food and decorate my house.  I'm going to admit all this now, because I'm fully aware that someday some lawyer may ask me some questions relating to my use of those words and my contract with the Food Network may come under scrutiny. Oh, and also, some television news networks may become interested in reporting on it.

Ironically, Paula Deen should have followed my lead - because if you say you're sorry BEFORE you are caught for something, Mrs Deen, then people are more forgiving for it.

The way you are playing this out, Mrs. Deen, it sounds like you are apologizing only because you got caught.

Because it sure sounds as if you never took any real, tangible steps to create a pleasant working environment  for those beneath you.

In other words, your apology rings shallow, Mrs. Deen.

My apology, on the other hand, is sincere. I have used all three words ("gay," "homosexual," and maybe even "faggot") to describe myself. Occasionally, I even call my friends "gay" or "homosexual."  But please don't take it out-of-context and use it against me. I actually AM gay, I actually am homosexual, and when I first struggled with being gay, I may have called myself a faggot or two. Many of my friends are, in fact, "gay" or "homosexual." I don't refer to them as "faggot," because I know the difference. And what gay man wouldn't want a staff of gay men in their life?

But see, words like  "gay," "homosexual," and "faggot" often are used to target a minority group in a derogatory fashion, and "I can, myself, determine what offends another person." I am, in fact, aware that some usage of these words are insensitive, so I don't use them in a derogatory fashion. I have even asked other people around me not to use those words in a derogatory fashion. I find the word "faggot," in particular, to be "mean," and I am sensitive to the fact that there are many other derogatory words that are "mean" to my minority group. I make sure people know how I feel about such words, and openly discourage jokes and innuendos that cause harm to my minority group. Furthermore, even though I am not of African-American heritage, I can plainly see that the "N Word" is harmful to a minority group and I don't use it. I have even asked other people around me not to use that word. In fact, I don't believe it is possible to use the "N Word" in any way that would be other-than derogatory, so I fail to see how you could make a statement like "I can't, myself, determine what offends another person," with regard to the use of that word, or with regard to racist jokes.

You see, Mrs Deen, you just can't simply turn a blind eye to how the people in your organization are being made to feel. If you were truly sensitive to the use of the "N Word" and the attitudes it conveys, you should have created policies and made statements and developed procedures for making your organization a friendly work environment. BEFORE the media attention, and your own Food Network's attention, forced you to. If you were truly sensitive to discrimination to members of minority groups then you would not have a discrimination case against your company in the court system.

I am a forgiving person, and I believe you have a lesson to be learned here, Mrs. Deen. The lesson is simply this: slap your brother and yourself upside the head (hard) for being insensitive to minority groups, offer proper compensation to the individual or individuals that were discriminated against in your restaurant, and use the publicity to make positive affirming statements about the minority group(s) - instead of taking a defensive, falsely innocent stance for yourself.

Oh, and, Three Cheers to the Food Network - hip-hip-hooray!

Annoy Your Facebook Friends, Get Facebook Blocked - a How-To Guide

Candy Crush Saga is a time-eating addictive ploy to get my money and piss off my friends.

A) I spent way too much time playing it.
B) Every cool "Booster" costs Facebook Points or Friends, and sometimes both.
C) Although the first two episodes are free, it's a lot like a drug pusher who gives the first few hits to get you hooked - every episode thereafter requires the player to invite three other Facebook friends to help the player to "get on the train", or to unlock the next episode. Or, alternatively, the Player can buy Facebook Points.
D) Candy Crush Saga posts to your Facebook wall incessantly, unless you restrict its access, and even then, you can't be sure.
E) Your friends will hate your incessant Life Requests, Ticket Requests, and Invitations.

So, is this all stuff I didn't know?  Of course not! But did I play, did I get hooked? Yeah, I did.

Did you know all this stuff about Candy Crush Saga?  Perhaps, and you might still get hooked too.

Sounds like there should be a CCSA 12-step meeting we should be attending.

The sheer genius of the game impresses me - because IT WORKS. I bugged my friends, I even almost bought Facebook Credits, and I even looked for Cheats.

What other Facebook game does this remind me of?  Oh yeah, Farmville.  Which was never THAT addictive, never as addictive as the Candy Crush Saga game. But it also incessantly posted to Facebook about game progress and would bug your Friends for help in the game.

Bejeweled Blitz and Zuma Blitz, while addictive, weren't nearly as intrusive on your Friend's Facebook as Candy Crush Saga.

Candy Crush Saga is directly responsible for the dishes in the sink, the rank cat box and dandelions in the yard. It is why I'm not on my bicycle keeping fit, it is why Sarah Palin is evil, and why Fox News still sucks. I simply can't change the world while playing Candy Crush Saga.

I have decided to give up Candy Crush Saga, and so far, I am officially On-The-Wagon (3 days!). And yet, I find myself blogging about Candy Crush Saga. Am I a goner, after all?

I still get requests from others who play, though.Perhaps an Intervention is imminent? No, wait, I need my 30 Day chip first.  At least.

RANT

RANT: Marketing companies who produce commercials for local or big business but don't appreciate your talent enough to pay their actors: YOU SUCK.Quit advertising for actors willing to do the commercial to "build their resume..." YOU CHEAPEN THEIR ART!.

And Actors, SHAME ON YOU FOR ACCEPTING THAT! You are worth more than just free...  expect more, demand more! Even a modest stipend is better than nothing!  Save your charity for community theatre - Actors should get paid in any business setting!

END RANT.

Exercises for Each Stage of Cancer Recovery

Recently I was contacted by one Melanie Bowen. She asked if I would " allow guest posts because (she) recently (has) been researching and writing about how staying physically fit can be extremely beneficial to people going through cancer treatments." Melanie's bio states she "is currently a Master's student with a passion that stems from her grandmother's cancer diagnosis. She often highlights the great benefits of alternative nutritional, emotional, and physical treatments on those diagnosed with cancer or other serious illness. In her spare time, you can find Melanie trying new vegan recipes, on her yoga mat, or spending time with her family."

I thought to myself, "where's the harm in in an article that explores the benefits of exercise for cancer patients?" And so I asked her to send me her submission and I would read it and decide. The article she sent me appears at the bottom of this entry. It became immediately apparent, in fairness, that Melanie wanted to promote her blog for the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance.

Personally, my only awareness of Mesothelioma was from those commercials I always see on certain networks and in certain hospital waiting rooms claiming that some law firm is standing by waiting to take your call to see if they can make a buck off of your Mesothelioma case. Because, of course, Mesothelioma is the "Asbestos Cancer," and so surely money can be made off the case by suing corporations, businesses and other "responsible entities" (the manufacturer) that exposed you to asbestos in the first place. You know the commercials of which I speak - the ones with the American Flag flying in the background and some anthem-like patriotic music and an actor who got paid to elicit your sympathy and make you feel like that law firm actually cares (The truth of such commercials is that they are a paid advertisement for a referral mill in which they seek a cut from a locally referred lawyer's fees - the claimant would be just as well-served, if not better-served, by contacting a local lawyer directly).

As it turns out, upon a very-quick-educate-myself-on-Mesothelioma session, Mesothelioma is in fact caused solely by asbestos. Asbestos liability is what's known as "strict liability" - the plaintiff doesn't have to show negligence, or even demonstrate that the manufacturer was aware of the risks. Because the product is inherently dangerous, a diagnosis is practically a guarantee of full compensation to either the patient or the surviving family.

A whole industry has arisen out of this Mesothelioma thing.  Don't get me wrong, Mesothelioma is very serious, and people DIE from it. But a Mesothelioma-industry that has sprung up out of the disease that includes a network of doctors and healthcare professionals who specialize in it, lawyers (of both the legitimate and ambulance-chaser varieties) who specialize in it, insurance companies and processors who specialize in it, awareness/charity organizations that generate cash flow (and thus salaries) off of it, and the media industry that benefits from advertisers in all the aforementioned categories. It's an industry that capitalizes on the misfortune of the victim, and drives healthcare costs up through the milking thereof.

However, Melanie's blog appears to be oriented more for cancer in general rather than (just) Mesothelioma, and carries an overall positive message that explores things that can be beneficial to cancer patients. Some examples I read included exercise, nutrition and therapy. Still, reader beware: seek a doctor's advice, do your own research, etc.,  etc.,  etc., and be aware that the overall purpose of her blog appearing on the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance website is to drive web-traffic to that parent site, though Melanie's personal motivations may be more noble than that. You decide.

I firmly believe that an physically active lifestyle can be beneficial to anyone, regardless of their health or diagnosis, except when their doctor does not advise physical activity. Mental acuity and spiritual fitness are things no self-respecting doctor would ever advise against. So therefore, I have included what Melanie sent me - Melanie's blog is here: http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/melanie/

And thanks, Melanie, for improving my awareness of Mesothelioma.

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Exercises for Each Stage of Cancer Recovery

It’s important for people to remain physically active to preserve bone strength and muscle. Heart and lung function can also suffer from a lack of exercise. When people are ill, it’s often impossible to maintain their normal exercise routine, but it’s important that a sedentary lifestyle isn’t adopted. When the symptoms or treatment for cancer leave you unable to pursue your regular activities, speak to your medical team about ways to work your body to remain as physically fit as possible.

Beginner `

Light exercise can give a feeling of calmness and encouragement, thus reducing the depression that may accompany illness. Even low impact exercises like light stretching can increase vitality and make you more flexible. A light exercise program can improve sleep so that your rested body and mind are ready for the next day. Simple stretching can help strengthen the body even while receiving aggressive cancer treatments. The exercises can be done without taking away the breath. You can even carry on a conversation while improving your physical fitness. People in the late stages of cancer can relieve the swelling and discomfort caused by surgery or lymph-edema. For those with the prognosis of mesothelioma, there may be respiratory related complications that prevent heavy exercise. As a result, simple stretching can improve fitness without suffering difficulty in breathing. Almost anyone can remain flexible by simple body movements and stretching.

Intermediate

There are many benefits to exercising in the water as opposed to on land. Water has the unique ability to disperse body heat, which prevents your body from overheating while exercising. Patients can easily do moderate exercises like water aerobics as they begin to recover from the treatments received to fight cancer. The buoyancy of the water supports the body, allowing a greater range of motion. It is often easier for those who suffer from joint and muscle pain and stiffness. Water aerobics are very beneficial in the building and regaining of strength, due to the fact that water provides 12-14 times more resistance than training on land. Circulation is increased, cardiovascular endurance is improved, and bone health is maintained.

Advanced

As the cancer recovery progresses, advanced exercise routines can be practiced so that strength is regained and overall physical condition is improved. To battle fatigue, the continuous movement of aerobics will improve energy. With approval from the medical team, the recovering cancer patient can combat the fatigue, a common symptom caused by chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Rest alone will not overcome this fatigue, but an aerobic exercise routine can improve the circulation and strengthen the heart. Emotional health and brain function can be improved as overall physical well-being is being restored.

If your cancer treatments won’t allow you to follow a strenuous workout routine, there are several other options available to strengthen your body, improve your emotional state, and work toward a healthy lifestyle. Ask your medical staff about various exercises to make sure that you are strong enough to embark on the new physical fitness routine at every stage of your disease, treatment, and recovery.

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Feeling "Fat"

The feeling of feeling "fat" was the same when I was 230 pounds as when I am (now) 175 pounds. You can call it a self-image issue, but there is actually a FEELING, a bodily sensation, of feeling fat. I don't feel any less or more fat now than when I was 230 pounds, except that I was fatter, physically.

The problem with diets is that food tastes so good, is readily available, and is necessary for survival. So I can't avoid eating - and my problem always was portions, not what I eat. My problem is discipline. Self-control.

I can make the healthier choice of poultry or fish over red meat. I can choose fruits, nuts and veggies over junk food. I can choose the lower-calorie fast food choice, or not have fast food at all. No problem.

The problem lies in portioning.

So when I overeat, I feel fat. Literally. Pressure on my abs/tummy/lungs. I experience acid reflux, because I ate too much. My energy feels depleted. These are physical ways in which I feel fat.

The one thing I know for sure is, I cannot overcome an overeating problem through diet alone. I didn't lose weight by mere diet - it took exercise, and physical activity.

When I exercise, it is a natural appetite suppressant, and a natural energy booster. I feel better after a bike ride, or a workout. 

Not to mention, it helps my knee pain, a problem I've had all my life that only is better when I'm active (versus sedentary).
So today, weather allowing, I'm biking to work. Don't try to stop me.

A Quandary

It is sad, sobering, cold-hard fact that there are people in this world who follow blindly this thing called religion.
I recognize that people get through life better with a moral structure, a framework that allows them to follow their straight-and-narrow path to their version of the "there-after." I get that it helps them find peace of mind and puts them in commune with others so they can feel less alone in this world. For this reason, I recognize their need, acknowledge the necessity, and try my hardest to accept it.
But, more aptly put, I think many of them are following a straight-only, narrow-minded path to their "there-after." In the name of their "God," they follow intrinsically elitist thought, thinking themselves better than others because they are can justify themselves with this lemming-logic called religion.

To provide a specific example, I have a relative, who shared a meme espousing the belief that Marriage is between one man, one woman. She claimed that this message was "God-Approved," and ignored the fact that the meme she shared was the propaganda of a hate group focused on couching hate in religious terms to further their hateful agenda.
I called this relative out on this. She responded with an assertion that she would not apologize for what she believed in and "was not a member of" the hate group and "didn't know it was a hate group," as if that were any excuse. AND, she left the meme posted. No remorse, no apology for having offended her own family member(s), and was defiant in her defense of her belief, stating she had no intention to offend anyone when she posted it.
I told her she had lost respect in my eyes, asked for the removal of the meme, and tried to debug her logic. Eventually, she relented, but only sort of. She removed the meme, but the retraction came with a caveat: she posted this in its stead:

"I removed a post that I shared today because I was told that it comes from a hurtful source and I believe in keeping peace. :-) As far as what the post said, however, I still believe that the definition of marriage is a lifelong union between a man and a woman and nothing more."

I cannot call this a victory. I may have prevented the circulation of hate-driven meme, but I did not change a heart. I have no superpowers here, I am a mere mortal, and one that falls directly outside the fence of her elitist thought.
Is it her fault that her "religion" calls for the systematic segregation of those with a broader capacity to love?  Is it her fault that her "religion" is based on Old Testament scripture and written works by men lead astray from Jesus' teachings?
Is it her fault that hate permeates this world in the guise of love?

YES.

She, and all others who have been taught this way of thinking, should apply critical-thinking skills and the actual teachings of Jesus to examine more carefully the messages in and behind the religion, the memes, the faith, that she wears on her sleeve. She should not accept blindly that which she does not truly understand, she should know the sources and motivations behind the thing(s) she repeats. She should be open to dialogue that challenges her to think, that expands her knowledge, that broadens her world.
And, she should, at the very least, be sensitive to the people in her family that she claims to love - apparently with qualification.

As for me, I question why I care. Who is she to me, other than a relative of the family? I assert that the true definition of family is those that act like it. Do true family members say things like "I love you, but I don't agree with your lifestyle," as if being gay was MY choice? Do true family members say "I don't think you are equal to me, and therefore I oppose your rights to live your life? Do true family members oppose my right to live a happy, healthy life in which I cause no harm to others?

People such as these really have no place in my life. And yet, how can I change their hearts if they are not? It is a quandary I must ponder...

#Caturday

People will invent any excuse to do as their Cat(s) command.

Hence, "#Caturday.

I have been Imperiused, I have no control:

Meet Buddy, a cat I met in a Liquor Store one day.  He was a daily customer, absolutely refused to be ignored, and impossible to resist. He convinced me to take him home one day, and he has controlled me with the Imperius Curse since.

Buddy is a carouser, a party animal, a bar-hopper kind of cat; here he commands me to take him out, he wants to go pick up chicks.

His idea of picking up chicks is to wait, in stealth mode, for the unknowing, innocent chicks to walk by, and then...

Look Out, Chick!!!!!!

But of course, she is wise to his ways, calls the cops, and...

Poor ol' Buddy lands himself in the slammer....

Simple Machines.

How can there still be people in my life who claim they love me and care about me and YET still qualify their "love" by saying crap like "I don't agree with your lifestyle," or call being gay a "choice?" WTF?
The truth is, any argument or retort I might have to offer these people tends to be a waste because their minds don't ever want to be changed, they're almighty in their assertion that they are right, and I, therefore, must be wrong. 

I suppose I'm just as guilty of that logic. 

Point me, if you will, or if you can, to any credible evidence that proves I ever had any choice in being gay. 
And don't quote me any lemming bible - that is NOT evidence. 
Because all evidence I have is to the contrary.
I know many folks who live a falsehood, by hiding their true selves in an unsatisfactory marriage or lonely bachelorhood - wishing, of course, to avoid the "consequences" of being "out." They forget that they are involving innocents in their deceptions - spouses, children, family and friends.
Had I made that "choice," I'm sure I would have committed suicide many years ago, or at the very least, have been victim to severe depression or other mental disorder.
My "lifestyle" is NOT about sex, or lust, or debauchery.
It's about identity, and about having the capacity to love a PERSON, and gender has little to do with it.
And don't tell me "don't knock it until you try it," because not only have I tried it (relationships with women), but I challenge you to find a vehemently straight person who felt the need to "try it" with a same-gendered partner before they "knew" they were straight. They KNOW they're straight, same as I know I'm gay.
And I refuse to live a lie, especially not to satiate religious, societal or moral expectations of a misled and misinformed group of people or individual.
So, I am forced to move beyond such arguments with people who might never be convinced by logic. Instead, I'm forced to examine the importance of my relationships with such people: Just how important is "family?" My assertion is that "family" is defined by people who actually ACT LIKE IT, and most times has absolutely NOTHING to do with blood ties. And in that sense, family is very important to me. 
My assertion is that love of a person is unconditional, but the degree in which I need that person involved in my life is directly related to my comfort level with that person. Obviously, if they're willing to try, so am I, and in doing so, I might gently change their minds through example - through them seeing that my relationship has richness, fulfillment, quality - and genuine love. They may be able to see that whatever prejudice or preconceived notion they may have about a gay person is changed by their willingness to care, to be involved, to be open-minded.
With such open-minded or open-hearted people, it is easy to see a clear path for association, for friendship, for quality relations.
But just how (and why) do I need a person in my life who is closed in mind and heart? Shall I just dismiss them, count them out, edit them out of my life? Should they be deleted (in modern terms) from my Facebook, my twitter, my newsfeed? Should I recognize that they are unchangeable, immovable, hopeless - in terms of their capacity for unconditional love?
One thing I know for sure: I'm NOT editing my life for their personal comfort - NOR should they. Certainly they are entitled to their opinion, and I defend their right to do so, just as surely as I defend my own right. But i don't have to compromise my integrity, my happiness or my identity.
But I have to ask, if that is their mindset - if their hearts are truly closed, why do they insist on calling me "family?" Are they relying too heavily on a deep-rooted "traditional" definition of the word?
If "family" is so important to them, why does it seem to come with conditions (I love you but I don't agree with your lifestyle...), with prerequisites (we don't talk about, or just simply ignore, the "gay" thing)?
I'm left with the only logical conclusion - and that is simply that they're leaving a door open for dialogue, whether it be locked, barred, bolted, welded or otherwise - the door is still there, and I should not give up hope. If the door wasn't there, why do they bother? Why not just simply be completely uninvolved? Why include me in their life at all?
So with that in consideration, I have to study intent. Perhaps the phrasing, the word choice, is a an accidental offense, one that comes from a lack of familiarity or association with real-live-gay-people. Perhaps they simply do not know they are being offensive.
So, I'll just continue to be myself. They can continue to be themselves. Perhaps by continued association, we will both learn the intent of the other, and it won't be so bad as it was in my head. There are keys to locks, pry bars for bolts,  the inclined plane was  invented for exactly this purpose. The gentle wedge shall prevail. 
And if it doesn't, time will solve it, eventually - TIME - the simplest machine of them all.