Privilege

I've been pondering what people mean by "privilege" in the context of current affairs (civil rights, freedoms and responsibilities). And I've been pondering whether I fall into the category of "privileged," because self-examination is as important in personal growth as it is in the fight against testicular cancer.

My conclusion, so far, is that, it MUST be a privileged person who doesn't vote, and avoids educating themselves about politics, and doesn't fight with their vote for civil rights. It is an unavoidable conclusion that a privileged person must be a person who does not belong to an oppressed group of people. It must be a person who does not struggle financially everyday. It must be a person who isn’t black. It must be a person who isn’t gay. It must be a person who isn’t “of color” of any sort. It must be a person who is not female.It must be a person who never struggled with gender or sexual identity issues. It must not be children taken from their parents. It must be a person who’s civil rights are not in danger. It must not be a person who flees from violence and oppression from their own people and government. It must be a person who never experienced the fear of police brutality or profiling.

In short, people who don't vote, and avoid educating themselves about politics, and don't fight for civil rights, the people who tell us all to “play nice”, the people who are tired of Facebook posts like these, the people who think us being engaged in politics is “annoying” - they must be highly privileged. It is the only logical conclusion. They not only don’t want to fight, but have no need to fight, because their life, their safety, their livelihood, their freedom, their PRIVILEGE, is not at stake. They claim to not know about politics - but they lack motivation to educate themselves because they are not affected - they are *privileged.*

There is a short list of labels for people that fit this highly privileged group of folks - but I’ll let the reader do that math.

The rest of us, A.K.A. the minority groups, are fighting for our lives - literally. We fight for our safety. We fight for our relationships, our culture, our art. We fight for living wages and fair workplace environments. We fight for our right to unionize. We fight for our freedom, for some semblance of privilege. We fight for our dignity and respect.

There are many minority voices that are oppressed - and many reasons for that oppression - not wanting to be "out" at work for fear of losing a job or being harassed or bullied, the protection of people within our care, or perhaps fear of having our civil liberties ripped from us.

But THAT is exactly why we, the minority groups, have to be educated about politics, that is why we share strong opinions, that is why we are emphatic about elections and voting. I recognize that it is, ironically, a place of privilege that I live and work in a safe place where I can be myself. But there is all that distance traveled between work and home where I am, in fact, at risk of oppression - at the bakery, at the grocery store, at the bank, at a restaurant, in an alley or on the street. We can’t afford to be nice about it - because our oppressors aren’t nice. They are bigots and murderers and bullies, and xenophobes, and homophobes, and racists, and misogynists, and transphobic, and sexists, yes, they are politicians.

If we, the minority groups, don't vote, and don’t participate in politics, if we don't fight for civil rights, WE LOSE. If you don’t know what THEY are doing to us, WE LOSE. There are real lives at stake here - and very real civil liberties at stake.

There are many of you who say our tool, our secret weapon, is our VOTE. Although important, that is only partially true. Our real ace-in-the-hole is YOU - our friends, our family, our coworkers, our ALLIES. We are a minority, which means our votes can be oppressed by a sheer function of numbers. But our ALLIES can shore up those numbers, make our votes count. We need you.

Educate yourself. Read up on the candidates, ask your affected friends and families, ask an immigrant, ask a member of a minority group - ask how they are affected, ask how their loved ones are affected.

Please help us overcome our minority disadvantage - get out and vote this November. Vote at the local, state and federal levels to protect civil rights - vote for the candidates who will protect civil rights, who will protect minorities, who has compassion and empathy and human decency. VOTE, please, to protect that transgender child in your family tree. Vote to protect your GBF. Vote to protect the immigrant running from violence and oppression, just like many of our own ancestors.

Victory!

In which I hire a staff of gay waiters to wait upon me "hand-and-foot."

In a preemptive strike, I'm going to publicly admit that I have used the words "gay," "homosexual," and maybe even "faggot" in my lifetime. Also, I have even considered hiring an all gay staff of waiters to serve me food and decorate my house.  I'm going to admit all this now, because I'm fully aware that someday some lawyer may ask me some questions relating to my use of those words and my contract with the Food Network may come under scrutiny. Oh, and also, some television news networks may become interested in reporting on it.

Ironically, Paula Deen should have followed my lead - because if you say you're sorry BEFORE you are caught for something, Mrs Deen, then people are more forgiving for it.

The way you are playing this out, Mrs. Deen, it sounds like you are apologizing only because you got caught.

Because it sure sounds as if you never took any real, tangible steps to create a pleasant working environment  for those beneath you.

In other words, your apology rings shallow, Mrs. Deen.

My apology, on the other hand, is sincere. I have used all three words ("gay," "homosexual," and maybe even "faggot") to describe myself. Occasionally, I even call my friends "gay" or "homosexual."  But please don't take it out-of-context and use it against me. I actually AM gay, I actually am homosexual, and when I first struggled with being gay, I may have called myself a faggot or two. Many of my friends are, in fact, "gay" or "homosexual." I don't refer to them as "faggot," because I know the difference. And what gay man wouldn't want a staff of gay men in their life?

But see, words like  "gay," "homosexual," and "faggot" often are used to target a minority group in a derogatory fashion, and "I can, myself, determine what offends another person." I am, in fact, aware that some usage of these words are insensitive, so I don't use them in a derogatory fashion. I have even asked other people around me not to use those words in a derogatory fashion. I find the word "faggot," in particular, to be "mean," and I am sensitive to the fact that there are many other derogatory words that are "mean" to my minority group. I make sure people know how I feel about such words, and openly discourage jokes and innuendos that cause harm to my minority group. Furthermore, even though I am not of African-American heritage, I can plainly see that the "N Word" is harmful to a minority group and I don't use it. I have even asked other people around me not to use that word. In fact, I don't believe it is possible to use the "N Word" in any way that would be other-than derogatory, so I fail to see how you could make a statement like "I can't, myself, determine what offends another person," with regard to the use of that word, or with regard to racist jokes.

You see, Mrs Deen, you just can't simply turn a blind eye to how the people in your organization are being made to feel. If you were truly sensitive to the use of the "N Word" and the attitudes it conveys, you should have created policies and made statements and developed procedures for making your organization a friendly work environment. BEFORE the media attention, and your own Food Network's attention, forced you to. If you were truly sensitive to discrimination to members of minority groups then you would not have a discrimination case against your company in the court system.

I am a forgiving person, and I believe you have a lesson to be learned here, Mrs. Deen. The lesson is simply this: slap your brother and yourself upside the head (hard) for being insensitive to minority groups, offer proper compensation to the individual or individuals that were discriminated against in your restaurant, and use the publicity to make positive affirming statements about the minority group(s) - instead of taking a defensive, falsely innocent stance for yourself.

Oh, and, Three Cheers to the Food Network - hip-hip-hooray!

Simple Machines.

How can there still be people in my life who claim they love me and care about me and YET still qualify their "love" by saying crap like "I don't agree with your lifestyle," or call being gay a "choice?" WTF?
The truth is, any argument or retort I might have to offer these people tends to be a waste because their minds don't ever want to be changed, they're almighty in their assertion that they are right, and I, therefore, must be wrong. 

I suppose I'm just as guilty of that logic. 

Point me, if you will, or if you can, to any credible evidence that proves I ever had any choice in being gay. 
And don't quote me any lemming bible - that is NOT evidence. 
Because all evidence I have is to the contrary.
I know many folks who live a falsehood, by hiding their true selves in an unsatisfactory marriage or lonely bachelorhood - wishing, of course, to avoid the "consequences" of being "out." They forget that they are involving innocents in their deceptions - spouses, children, family and friends.
Had I made that "choice," I'm sure I would have committed suicide many years ago, or at the very least, have been victim to severe depression or other mental disorder.
My "lifestyle" is NOT about sex, or lust, or debauchery.
It's about identity, and about having the capacity to love a PERSON, and gender has little to do with it.
And don't tell me "don't knock it until you try it," because not only have I tried it (relationships with women), but I challenge you to find a vehemently straight person who felt the need to "try it" with a same-gendered partner before they "knew" they were straight. They KNOW they're straight, same as I know I'm gay.
And I refuse to live a lie, especially not to satiate religious, societal or moral expectations of a misled and misinformed group of people or individual.
So, I am forced to move beyond such arguments with people who might never be convinced by logic. Instead, I'm forced to examine the importance of my relationships with such people: Just how important is "family?" My assertion is that "family" is defined by people who actually ACT LIKE IT, and most times has absolutely NOTHING to do with blood ties. And in that sense, family is very important to me. 
My assertion is that love of a person is unconditional, but the degree in which I need that person involved in my life is directly related to my comfort level with that person. Obviously, if they're willing to try, so am I, and in doing so, I might gently change their minds through example - through them seeing that my relationship has richness, fulfillment, quality - and genuine love. They may be able to see that whatever prejudice or preconceived notion they may have about a gay person is changed by their willingness to care, to be involved, to be open-minded.
With such open-minded or open-hearted people, it is easy to see a clear path for association, for friendship, for quality relations.
But just how (and why) do I need a person in my life who is closed in mind and heart? Shall I just dismiss them, count them out, edit them out of my life? Should they be deleted (in modern terms) from my Facebook, my twitter, my newsfeed? Should I recognize that they are unchangeable, immovable, hopeless - in terms of their capacity for unconditional love?
One thing I know for sure: I'm NOT editing my life for their personal comfort - NOR should they. Certainly they are entitled to their opinion, and I defend their right to do so, just as surely as I defend my own right. But i don't have to compromise my integrity, my happiness or my identity.
But I have to ask, if that is their mindset - if their hearts are truly closed, why do they insist on calling me "family?" Are they relying too heavily on a deep-rooted "traditional" definition of the word?
If "family" is so important to them, why does it seem to come with conditions (I love you but I don't agree with your lifestyle...), with prerequisites (we don't talk about, or just simply ignore, the "gay" thing)?
I'm left with the only logical conclusion - and that is simply that they're leaving a door open for dialogue, whether it be locked, barred, bolted, welded or otherwise - the door is still there, and I should not give up hope. If the door wasn't there, why do they bother? Why not just simply be completely uninvolved? Why include me in their life at all?
So with that in consideration, I have to study intent. Perhaps the phrasing, the word choice, is a an accidental offense, one that comes from a lack of familiarity or association with real-live-gay-people. Perhaps they simply do not know they are being offensive.
So, I'll just continue to be myself. They can continue to be themselves. Perhaps by continued association, we will both learn the intent of the other, and it won't be so bad as it was in my head. There are keys to locks, pry bars for bolts,  the inclined plane was  invented for exactly this purpose. The gentle wedge shall prevail. 
And if it doesn't, time will solve it, eventually - TIME - the simplest machine of them all.

Body Motivations

<--Abercrombie & Fitch

I saw a news piece in 2008 on the local news about a man who managed to come very close to obtaining all the necessary signatures to have an Abercrombie & Fitch store in the local mall remove a picture inside the store. He even had started a web site, http://www.movethepicture.com/ to facilitate his efforts.

One of the things that makes America great is our right to speak out, make free speech, protest or support things in our America. We have a voice, and it can be heard even louder in numbers. This man has his right to his opinion, and I respect that.

However, personally, I think we should see how many people want to sign a petition to save the picture. It serves no harm, and is not pornographic. I've seen worse at the public beach (or better, as the case may be). The photo is inspiring to people who wish to be physically fit.

The objectors website is no longer - and A&F continue to strategically place photos such as these in conspicuous view from the leaseline.  Thank you A&F for providing Body Motivation to men everywhere!

Its no secret that men worry about their "image." The less secure ones worry that if pictures like these are all over their refrigerator, some of their guy friends might think they're gay. So finding body motivational images can be a good thing for them, because they can still view motivational photos without worry.

<--American Eagle Outfitters (one of my most favorite clothing stores ever - their clothing is actually of good quality, not just fashionable.)

Of course, us gays, we have no such hangup - we put pictures of fit men on our refrigerators, on the walls of our bathrooms, on our Trapper Keepers...

 <--Hollisters

So here's hoping these images help those who seek body motivation...  however it may come!

Additional Body Motivation - an openly gay male country music star, Steve Grand: