Everybody always asks me why I'm a gay man who chose to move to South Carolina. There were practical reasons, of course, and I patiently explain those, and people expect those answers and move on. But those who want to get to know me ask me why I STAY in South Carolina. I tell them about our (Frank's & my) brief moment of "celebrity," having been a part of the historic move by Gavin Newsome to allow same-sex couples to marry in his fair city of San Francisco. The local gay media, upon finding out about it, interviewed Frank and I and ran a few articles about our experience. It was a happy and personal day for us, but sharing that experience with others gave it an even deeper meaning, knowing that it had the power to provide encouragement and hope.
Since Frank and I came to South Carolina, we have made no effort to hide our relationship in our jobs, our theatre community, the religious community we were affiliated with, or in our everyday lives.
I truly feel like Frank and I are decent examples that a loving, healthy relationship can survive and thrive in the "deep south," a claim backed by the fact that we have lived here since 2001. We merely live our lives, and yet the power of our example always draws comments from people about the quality of our relationship. We can honestly say we have a rich diversity of friends from both the gay and straight persuasion who accept us for who and what we are, and even welcome us.
I ask you, what better way to change minds and hearts than to live our lives openly and honestly amongst a community generally considered to be conservative and under-exposed to the GLBT community? I see lots of local heroes who deserve much more credit for their time and talents spent championing the GLBT community rights, health and visibility as activists and advocates.
Yet, recently I found myself a little torn about how I felt when the news "broke" that Anderson Cooper had come out as gay. OK, our community can use all the support it can get in our awareness campaigns and battle for equality - and yet I feel like Anderson Cooper deserves little right to hero-status for his "bravery" in coming out. He did nothing, in my perspective, except to take advantage of the ground work the real heroes have already laid to make life better for the GLBT community. He comes out now, when it's much safer, less risky, to do so.
After all, where was he during the "It Gets Better" movement to save lives of despairing teens - could his celebrity have been used as a voice to further that movement, or maybe even save one of those lives? Where was he when same sex marriage was topical in his own state - again, could his celebrity have been used to further that cause, to speak out against opposers?
I don't necessarily believe that he could have changed anything, but I do believe that persons who achieve celebrity status have a responsibility to use said celebrity to do good deeds for those less fortunate in their immediate community, especially if the plight of that community is at risk. I am unsympathetic to arguments that claim secrecy was necessary to maintain/build a career; unsympathetic to claims that "danger" would have befallen him in his rather privileged life - we ALL run those same risks and many of us thrive despite them.
All of this drives home in my mind the idea that it is SO important to be "out and proud," not in a outrageous way, but in a way that actually carries the power to change minds and hearts. Christine Johnson, The SC Equality Executive Director, puts it quite simply: "Say Yes!" - say yes to powerful examples of living your life open and proud in the hope that one conservative mind might be changed, that one depressed teenage life might be saved, that one disenchanted person might find validation in the eyes of a religion they hold dear, or in that one happy couple who might find financial or emotional relief knowing the legality of their relationship is not a question in the eyes of the law. Can one person do all this? Perhaps not - but we ALL can.
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