Self Discovery

Writing takes practice, whether you are good at it, or not.  And writing requires "headspace" - something an introvert like myself craves more than anything. To stay in practice, I'm forcing myself to write, even if it's inane little entries like this, even if their frequency is sporadic at best, even if the topics are frivolous and inconsequential.

(The photo included here proves that.)

Introversion is a curse - and a blessing. Curse, because I'd rather bury my face in a book or video game or a quiet corner of the world, or just coding html or other such stuff - but life insists on thrusting me into a job where I must interact with people, forced into situations where public interaction is expected, or times when people just won't let me be introverted. Blessing, because I CAN find that headspace - sit in a quiet room or place in nature for hours without the need for the crutches others seem to need for entertainment, such as television or radio or the like.

In college Psychology courses, I did many self-assessments, in which I discovered what I already knew: I work best: without supervision; on tasks that require attention to detail; and in very small groups or by myself. I also discovered that speaking to large groups does not bother me, but interacting in large groups does.

This journey of self discovery uncovered other tidbits that seem contradictory:
I discovered that I needed a small push to overcome initial shyness, and yet I'm a bit of an exhibitionist. I have a tendency to avoid eye-contact in small groups (or one on one) and yet enjoy public speaking to large groups. I don't mind public displays of affection, and yet I find a conflict in public incites a flight mode in me.

Making new friends is hard for me - exceedingly hard. I'm NEVER the first person to extend my hand for a handshake, NEVER the first to say hello, NEVER the one to make eye-contact. This is exacerbated by any physical attraction to a person.

And yet, I'm hugger, physically affectionate, a personal space violator.

One might very well draw the conclusion that I am a cat.

And when I fall in love, I fall HARD.