A Quandary

It is sad, sobering, cold-hard fact that there are people in this world who follow blindly this thing called religion.
I recognize that people get through life better with a moral structure, a framework that allows them to follow their straight-and-narrow path to their version of the "there-after." I get that it helps them find peace of mind and puts them in commune with others so they can feel less alone in this world. For this reason, I recognize their need, acknowledge the necessity, and try my hardest to accept it.
But, more aptly put, I think many of them are following a straight-only, narrow-minded path to their "there-after." In the name of their "God," they follow intrinsically elitist thought, thinking themselves better than others because they are can justify themselves with this lemming-logic called religion.

To provide a specific example, I have a relative, who shared a meme espousing the belief that Marriage is between one man, one woman. She claimed that this message was "God-Approved," and ignored the fact that the meme she shared was the propaganda of a hate group focused on couching hate in religious terms to further their hateful agenda.
I called this relative out on this. She responded with an assertion that she would not apologize for what she believed in and "was not a member of" the hate group and "didn't know it was a hate group," as if that were any excuse. AND, she left the meme posted. No remorse, no apology for having offended her own family member(s), and was defiant in her defense of her belief, stating she had no intention to offend anyone when she posted it.
I told her she had lost respect in my eyes, asked for the removal of the meme, and tried to debug her logic. Eventually, she relented, but only sort of. She removed the meme, but the retraction came with a caveat: she posted this in its stead:

"I removed a post that I shared today because I was told that it comes from a hurtful source and I believe in keeping peace. :-) As far as what the post said, however, I still believe that the definition of marriage is a lifelong union between a man and a woman and nothing more."

I cannot call this a victory. I may have prevented the circulation of hate-driven meme, but I did not change a heart. I have no superpowers here, I am a mere mortal, and one that falls directly outside the fence of her elitist thought.
Is it her fault that her "religion" calls for the systematic segregation of those with a broader capacity to love?  Is it her fault that her "religion" is based on Old Testament scripture and written works by men lead astray from Jesus' teachings?
Is it her fault that hate permeates this world in the guise of love?

YES.

She, and all others who have been taught this way of thinking, should apply critical-thinking skills and the actual teachings of Jesus to examine more carefully the messages in and behind the religion, the memes, the faith, that she wears on her sleeve. She should not accept blindly that which she does not truly understand, she should know the sources and motivations behind the thing(s) she repeats. She should be open to dialogue that challenges her to think, that expands her knowledge, that broadens her world.
And, she should, at the very least, be sensitive to the people in her family that she claims to love - apparently with qualification.

As for me, I question why I care. Who is she to me, other than a relative of the family? I assert that the true definition of family is those that act like it. Do true family members say things like "I love you, but I don't agree with your lifestyle," as if being gay was MY choice? Do true family members say "I don't think you are equal to me, and therefore I oppose your rights to live your life? Do true family members oppose my right to live a happy, healthy life in which I cause no harm to others?

People such as these really have no place in my life. And yet, how can I change their hearts if they are not? It is a quandary I must ponder...

#Caturday

People will invent any excuse to do as their Cat(s) command.

Hence, "#Caturday.

I have been Imperiused, I have no control:

Meet Buddy, a cat I met in a Liquor Store one day.  He was a daily customer, absolutely refused to be ignored, and impossible to resist. He convinced me to take him home one day, and he has controlled me with the Imperius Curse since.

Buddy is a carouser, a party animal, a bar-hopper kind of cat; here he commands me to take him out, he wants to go pick up chicks.

His idea of picking up chicks is to wait, in stealth mode, for the unknowing, innocent chicks to walk by, and then...

Look Out, Chick!!!!!!

But of course, she is wise to his ways, calls the cops, and...

Poor ol' Buddy lands himself in the slammer....

Simple Machines.

How can there still be people in my life who claim they love me and care about me and YET still qualify their "love" by saying crap like "I don't agree with your lifestyle," or call being gay a "choice?" WTF?
The truth is, any argument or retort I might have to offer these people tends to be a waste because their minds don't ever want to be changed, they're almighty in their assertion that they are right, and I, therefore, must be wrong. 

I suppose I'm just as guilty of that logic. 

Point me, if you will, or if you can, to any credible evidence that proves I ever had any choice in being gay. 
And don't quote me any lemming bible - that is NOT evidence. 
Because all evidence I have is to the contrary.
I know many folks who live a falsehood, by hiding their true selves in an unsatisfactory marriage or lonely bachelorhood - wishing, of course, to avoid the "consequences" of being "out." They forget that they are involving innocents in their deceptions - spouses, children, family and friends.
Had I made that "choice," I'm sure I would have committed suicide many years ago, or at the very least, have been victim to severe depression or other mental disorder.
My "lifestyle" is NOT about sex, or lust, or debauchery.
It's about identity, and about having the capacity to love a PERSON, and gender has little to do with it.
And don't tell me "don't knock it until you try it," because not only have I tried it (relationships with women), but I challenge you to find a vehemently straight person who felt the need to "try it" with a same-gendered partner before they "knew" they were straight. They KNOW they're straight, same as I know I'm gay.
And I refuse to live a lie, especially not to satiate religious, societal or moral expectations of a misled and misinformed group of people or individual.
So, I am forced to move beyond such arguments with people who might never be convinced by logic. Instead, I'm forced to examine the importance of my relationships with such people: Just how important is "family?" My assertion is that "family" is defined by people who actually ACT LIKE IT, and most times has absolutely NOTHING to do with blood ties. And in that sense, family is very important to me. 
My assertion is that love of a person is unconditional, but the degree in which I need that person involved in my life is directly related to my comfort level with that person. Obviously, if they're willing to try, so am I, and in doing so, I might gently change their minds through example - through them seeing that my relationship has richness, fulfillment, quality - and genuine love. They may be able to see that whatever prejudice or preconceived notion they may have about a gay person is changed by their willingness to care, to be involved, to be open-minded.
With such open-minded or open-hearted people, it is easy to see a clear path for association, for friendship, for quality relations.
But just how (and why) do I need a person in my life who is closed in mind and heart? Shall I just dismiss them, count them out, edit them out of my life? Should they be deleted (in modern terms) from my Facebook, my twitter, my newsfeed? Should I recognize that they are unchangeable, immovable, hopeless - in terms of their capacity for unconditional love?
One thing I know for sure: I'm NOT editing my life for their personal comfort - NOR should they. Certainly they are entitled to their opinion, and I defend their right to do so, just as surely as I defend my own right. But i don't have to compromise my integrity, my happiness or my identity.
But I have to ask, if that is their mindset - if their hearts are truly closed, why do they insist on calling me "family?" Are they relying too heavily on a deep-rooted "traditional" definition of the word?
If "family" is so important to them, why does it seem to come with conditions (I love you but I don't agree with your lifestyle...), with prerequisites (we don't talk about, or just simply ignore, the "gay" thing)?
I'm left with the only logical conclusion - and that is simply that they're leaving a door open for dialogue, whether it be locked, barred, bolted, welded or otherwise - the door is still there, and I should not give up hope. If the door wasn't there, why do they bother? Why not just simply be completely uninvolved? Why include me in their life at all?
So with that in consideration, I have to study intent. Perhaps the phrasing, the word choice, is a an accidental offense, one that comes from a lack of familiarity or association with real-live-gay-people. Perhaps they simply do not know they are being offensive.
So, I'll just continue to be myself. They can continue to be themselves. Perhaps by continued association, we will both learn the intent of the other, and it won't be so bad as it was in my head. There are keys to locks, pry bars for bolts,  the inclined plane was  invented for exactly this purpose. The gentle wedge shall prevail. 
And if it doesn't, time will solve it, eventually - TIME - the simplest machine of them all.

My brain has gotten lazy when it comes to writing. It's because I've fallen out of the habit. Flowery prose does not come as easily, my cleverness is a slow-wit half-breed, and my storytelling lacks Ooomph.

The only answer is to practice.

At night, my imagination runs wild: strange dreams, many of which are too sexy to publish here, prove my creativity is alive and well. Translating that creativity into a viable, entertaining article or story may be a dream in, and of, itself.

I'm not saying that I've got a Wizard-Of-Oz caliber story to tell, nor does Something-Wicked-This-Way-Comes seem to be in the offing.  I know from reading that many career writers spend months, even years, tailoring their stories and perfecting their craft.

I can't expect to write the Great-American-Kill-Bill in a single night.

Based on the readership my blog(s) have recruited, I don't yet have the audience necessary to make millions. But I have discovered that the only audience I really need is myself. NOT that I don't want an audience - but applause is for actors and book sales are for those career writers who simply have more time than I do.

Recently I was told that if I have to say, "That was a joke," then it isn't funny. But I say, if I laugh, then I'm funny, and to hell with everyone else. Sometimes humor is about letting myself in on the joke.

If I took the time, I'd frame out my story - start at the beginning, and know where I am ending. Decide how I'm getting there. Work on character development, setup a back-story, imagine a setting, design a hook. Is my process missing anything? Oh yeah: ideas.

Body Motivations

<--Abercrombie & Fitch

I saw a news piece in 2008 on the local news about a man who managed to come very close to obtaining all the necessary signatures to have an Abercrombie & Fitch store in the local mall remove a picture inside the store. He even had started a web site, http://www.movethepicture.com/ to facilitate his efforts.

One of the things that makes America great is our right to speak out, make free speech, protest or support things in our America. We have a voice, and it can be heard even louder in numbers. This man has his right to his opinion, and I respect that.

However, personally, I think we should see how many people want to sign a petition to save the picture. It serves no harm, and is not pornographic. I've seen worse at the public beach (or better, as the case may be). The photo is inspiring to people who wish to be physically fit.

The objectors website is no longer - and A&F continue to strategically place photos such as these in conspicuous view from the leaseline.  Thank you A&F for providing Body Motivation to men everywhere!

Its no secret that men worry about their "image." The less secure ones worry that if pictures like these are all over their refrigerator, some of their guy friends might think they're gay. So finding body motivational images can be a good thing for them, because they can still view motivational photos without worry.

<--American Eagle Outfitters (one of my most favorite clothing stores ever - their clothing is actually of good quality, not just fashionable.)

Of course, us gays, we have no such hangup - we put pictures of fit men on our refrigerators, on the walls of our bathrooms, on our Trapper Keepers...

 <--Hollisters

So here's hoping these images help those who seek body motivation...  however it may come!

Additional Body Motivation - an openly gay male country music star, Steve Grand: 

Mars Needs Gay People.

I can't imagine why people would want to create a colony underground on Mars...  the surface alone is enough to depress Robin Williams...  I think I read only three percent of the planet is "habitable."
Most of it underground.
But I can understand the need to get off THIS planet.
Sometimes I can't even breathe on THIS planet.
I'm not really referring to air quality. I have spied so many aliens, vampires, ghouls and goblins; so many monsters and villians - I know, I know, it takes all kinds to make a world...
Escapism is a favorite hobby of mine, and I was entranced by movies like Total Recall that told of domed communities on the red planet - the stark contrast of the landscape outside the domes to the decadence of the inside of those domes...  oh, yeah, such a domed existence is appealing, right?  But where would you escape to?
Personally, I am glad for the privatization of space travel, because I believe consumerism will drive progress way better than any government program...  but will I, in my lifetime, see it become possible for ME to get off this planet?

Antimatter Spaceships Could Make Long Flights Before End Of Century, Space Consultants Say

I keep scheming on ways to get Richard Branson to include me in his colonization plans. Last I checked, sadly, the man doesn't even know I'm alive. Certainly I didn't make his list: "Obviously, you are going to want scientists initially. You're going to want physicians, you're going to want comedians, you're going to want fun people, beautiful people, ugly people - a good cross-section of what happens on Earth - on Mars. People have got to be able to get on together, because it's going to be quite confined."  I believe that his accidental omission of gay people is negligent - someone has GOT to help  decorate the planet. I guess, perhaps, that I am included in the list, in a round-about way - I am, after all, fun. And gay people would be the solution to the culture dilemma - apparently lacking on Mars.
Branson claims he will see this colonization occur in his lifetime. So, I have sixteen years to introduce myself, ingratiate myself, and make him realize how badly Mars needs gay people. I suppose getting him to fall in love with me is out of the question.
My current strategy is to find the fountain of youth, regress to my teenage years, and make the Catholic priest he selects to go want me as his trusty altar boi.
If that doesn't work, I will resort to Plan 9 - recruit the undead to take over his ship and take me with them.

Self Discovery

Writing takes practice, whether you are good at it, or not.  And writing requires "headspace" - something an introvert like myself craves more than anything. To stay in practice, I'm forcing myself to write, even if it's inane little entries like this, even if their frequency is sporadic at best, even if the topics are frivolous and inconsequential.

(The photo included here proves that.)

Introversion is a curse - and a blessing. Curse, because I'd rather bury my face in a book or video game or a quiet corner of the world, or just coding html or other such stuff - but life insists on thrusting me into a job where I must interact with people, forced into situations where public interaction is expected, or times when people just won't let me be introverted. Blessing, because I CAN find that headspace - sit in a quiet room or place in nature for hours without the need for the crutches others seem to need for entertainment, such as television or radio or the like.

In college Psychology courses, I did many self-assessments, in which I discovered what I already knew: I work best: without supervision; on tasks that require attention to detail; and in very small groups or by myself. I also discovered that speaking to large groups does not bother me, but interacting in large groups does.

This journey of self discovery uncovered other tidbits that seem contradictory:
I discovered that I needed a small push to overcome initial shyness, and yet I'm a bit of an exhibitionist. I have a tendency to avoid eye-contact in small groups (or one on one) and yet enjoy public speaking to large groups. I don't mind public displays of affection, and yet I find a conflict in public incites a flight mode in me.

Making new friends is hard for me - exceedingly hard. I'm NEVER the first person to extend my hand for a handshake, NEVER the first to say hello, NEVER the one to make eye-contact. This is exacerbated by any physical attraction to a person.

And yet, I'm hugger, physically affectionate, a personal space violator.

One might very well draw the conclusion that I am a cat.

And when I fall in love, I fall HARD.

Alter Egos

So, Facebook has kindly informed me that some dog has just joined Facebook.

Now mind you, I don't mind dogs, not one bit.

But why does a dog need a Facebook page?

And why does Facebook feel the need to inform me?

Perhaps Roxy Reagan is an alter ego. Perhaps it is a person who feels the need for anonymity, for whatever reason. I know lots of people who maintain alter egos for some very good reasons.

Exhibit A: A friend works in a public office, who in his real identity engages in leather events, fetish events, and gay events. This friend maintains one Facebook ID for friends he can be himself with, and another Facebook ID that is more "socially acceptable" for his coworkers and the general public to see (Believe me, the "socially acceptable" bit is not my personal commentary - I think it is a travesty that he feels he cannot be himself everywhere and that he feels the need to hide some aspects of who he is).

Exhibit B: Stage persona: I am acquainted with several friends who have developed characters onstage - drag characters, especially - in which they maintain a Facebook ID that stays in-character at all times. One such person is a public figure in the gay community, meaning (s)he has built a drag career as a maître d' of the GLBT community. So, not your ordinary late night drag show in a bar or club, but as an event host for a parade, for a fundraiser, for a public protest, for a grand opening, etc.

Exhibit C: A good friend of mine maintains a Facebook ID that allows for an exploration of crossdressing, without fear that his children will stumble upon a photo of her high-heeling it across an airport to catch a plane (great blog, too, by the way, about life and travel as a crossdresser - check it out! I have great respect for the reasoning behind the decision to maintain the alter ego, but I sure wish parents wouldn't go to such extremes to overprotect their children, or perhaps I should say, they shouldn't have to go to such extremes. I'm sure it's way more complicated than that, but how I wish it didn't have to be!).

Exhibit D: A friend of mine created a false identity because of a bad situation in which her private life was exploited through a hacking incident. Despite the circumstances, she still wished to maintain contact with her friends, so hence the alter ego.

Exhibit E: I personally have two Facebook ID's because I demonstrate electronic goods to the public in retail settings, which frequently involves showing customers Facebook on a smart-phone or a computer/internet product - and I have no desire to show strangers my personal life on Facebook. So I have a generic, homogenized Facebook ID that includes photos of me with Justin Bieber and me with customers or clients, rather than the kind of photos they'd find on my personal account, of me drunk or me nearly naked or me in a kilt for Halloween!

For clarity: But whatever the reasons are for people having an alter ego, I don't judge. I might have unsolicited opinions, but I love my friends unconditionally, and yearn for a life-less-complicated in which they can be comfortable with who they are. In the case of Exhibit A, I am friends with only one of that person's Facebook IDs - the one where I can be myself - he invited me to be friends with both, but I refuse to compromise or censure myself in his newsfeed as if being gay or having sexual encounters was a bad, bad thing. Exhibit B folks, on the other hand, I freely "friend" both personas where invited, because, of course, I support art and personal expression, and feel that I can be myself to both.  Exhibit C: I am friends with both alter egos, because I feel he and crossdressers/transgenders should not have to hide who they are and I fully accept and support him in every way. Exhibit D? Hurrah for not letting some hacker ruin your online experience - and if that hacker was an ex, seek a fun way of having your revenge!  Exhibit E needs no explanation.

BUT: I find myself baffled by "Roxy Reagan," and why Facebook would inform me of this oddity. There's a gossip story hidden in that Facebook ID, perhaps?  Is this the underdog I'm always hearing about and secretly cheering for?

Some Emails Are Hard To Delete.

Andrew Christian emails, for example.

They're like rays of sunshine on a icy moon.

Ways To Be A Heathen On Sunday Morning...

I always thought Hookahs were things you didn't talk about, sort of a behind-closed-door thing that signified something dark or taboo. I may have even been under the impression that Hookahs were the devil's plaything. I even had the idea in my head that perhaps they were an item commonly found in drug paraphernalia.
A party, not so long ago, changed my mind. At this party a friend convinced me to "try it," and I initially declined, but after I was assured that there were no drugs involved, I gave in.
I used to smoke cigarettes, you see, and never once liked the flavor or smell of burning tobacco. I only ever really smoked for social reasons.  Many years ago I gave that up.
But these Hookahs, they are a completely different experience.  Not at all harsh, very light smoking experience, best shared among a group of friends over conversation and music.
A second party experience affirmed that Hookahs were something I found relaxing and enjoyable. So I decided I was in the market for one of my own.
I found an affordable personal sized one, pictured here.

So I was perusing YouTube when I first got this hookah and watched about a dozen video how-to's.
Learned about several flavored tobaccos, called Shisha ( http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shisha ) and how to perforate the foil, how to break up the Shisha, and what the best flavors are. Starbuzz Tobacco ( http://www.starbuzztobacco.com/ ) uses honey, not molasses. The flavor I'm using today is called Mystic UFO.
One video blog casually suggested to use "other liquids" in the bottom, stating that some people use alcohol or Gatorade or stuff like that.
So this Sunday morning, I'm in the bathtub, with cheap leftover champagne from some party in the bottom of my hookah and drinking chai tea. And blogging from my iPhone. Am I a good heathen, or what??

The Other End of the Table

Sometimes I find myself at the other end of the table. And I think to myself, how did this happen? Who did the seating assignments, and don't they know I don't know any of the people around me?

And so I sit quietly, as the conversation around me makes it obvious that these people, they know each other. They share some stories, have a few laughs, and I smile politely and realize my gaze has settled on the other end of the table. The end where the people I knew are sitting.

Breasts get in the way as a waitress reaches between to place drinks on the table. The left one actually makes contact with my nose. She didn't mean to, it was an accident, and I glance around to see if anyone saw. She saw, and didn't care. He noticed the breasts, and assumes I liked it. The other two are heavily engaged in conversation, and the last one is trying to get the waitress to come stand by him.

Nobody saw.

Down at the other end of the table, though, someone did. In fact, is telling the others around him about it. Surely the dialogue will include how astounded I was at the appearance of breasts. Laughter ensues, but I'm not sure what was said. But my imagination knows.

The appearance of breasts at nose level also, of course, means, my drink is here. Double shot of tequila chilled and strained into a wine glass, with a wedge of lime teetering on the lip. I sip - as quality tequila is meant to be sipped. The waitress asks how it is, because of course I painstakingly ordered it and she is concerned enough to insure I am satisfied that she did listen, she did listen. I nod approvingly and the breasts withdraw.

What she doesn't know is that I said jalapeño, not lime, and that I'm not a fan of breasts.

But the tequila, oooh, it is good.

It warms me. Stuff the lime in a cocktail napkin and tuck it behind a water glass on the table and look around. It seems someone has asked me a question. Surely it was just a polite inquiry, perhaps they wonder why I like my tequila in this fashion. Perhaps their only experience with tequila is the shot-glass-lime-salt variety in which the brand is meaningless and the Brand means nothing. I mumble a response, because I didn't hear the question.

But the tequila is good.

I painstakingly ordered it.

The other end of the table is lively now, and I look to that end for rescue. It is there, in their eyes, in his eyes, but there is simply not room, down there. But the invitation is there, in his eyes. A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth, and our eyes hold for a heartbeat or two.

But I did not answer the question. Or perhaps they did not hear the answer, or perhaps the answer wasn't obvious. So I'm drawn in to a conversation, inane though it may be, about words I can barely make out, as they are drowned out by the other end of the table.

Suddenly the tequila is good. And the questions make sense. The words coalesce, and I'm engaged, talking to the one that assumes I liked the breasts touching my nose. Talk now from the two there, about things that we have in common, such things we never knew. A flash fires, and a memory is made, the arms-length memories in which only heads are seen, and yet the other end of the table is not forgotten, never forgotten..

No-Good Samaritan

Sometimes our priorities are out of whack. Like, oh, say, when we want to save a life, or assist someone in pain, or help a person through an emotional time, or protect someone from abuse. This phenomena extends to all creatures, too.

Saving a life comes with risk, though. We might get sued. We might get arrested. We might get shunned. We might get yelled at.

Oh, come now, surely you can imagine many scenarios where the preceding statements are true. And not just true in regards to saving a life, but also true assisting someone in pain, or helping a person through an emotional time, or protecting someone from abuse or harm.

It boils down to a matter of perspective - and money.

A woman, rescued by a good-samaritan from a burning building, gets a broken hip in the process.  She sues the Samaritan!

A man ends the life of his-long suffering animal-friend. Gets the animal-rights activists fired up and now faces legal action.

A doctor gets asked by his patient to euthanize. He loses his license and must face jail time.

The perspectives of the people involved in these scenarios: surely they ALL believe THEY are right. Their belief-systems are sound, time-honored, maybe even "holy."

When faced with a moral dilemma, we often have to think quickly and decisively as to what the right thing to do is. In cool-calm-collected fashion, we all follow the right channels, right?  Report the crime, report the abuse, report the emergency - and stand idly by and wait for "the authorities" to handle it, right?

Why?

Please consider - what's different about the following statements, and how do you emotionally respond to them?


Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a person yell at another person?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a person hit another person?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a person yell at another person because he/she is black?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a person hit another person because he/she is black?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a parent yell at their child?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a parent hit their child?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a parent yell at their child because he/she is gay?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a parent hit their child because he/she is gay?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a pet owner fail to give their pet attention?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a pet owner fail to give their pet food/water?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a pet owner fail to give their child food/water?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a pet owner fail to give their child love?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a pet owner hit their pet?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a pet owner hit their spouse?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a parent yell at their spouse?
Can we (should we) stand idly by and watch a parent yell at their spouse because he/she is gay?


At what point is it okay to intercede, and what motivates us to do so, or not do so?  And what is the appropriate course of action?

Easy enough to sit at our computers and think, "I know what I'd do," but when you are facing real-life situations, with real-life consequences, real-life danger, real-life pain and emotion - DO YOU STILL KNOW WHAT TO DO?

And if you decided to "call the authorities" and place your trust in "the system," while real people or real animals suffer, ask yourself - could you have made more of a difference? Could you have saved someone pain, death, dismemberment or emotional trauma by taking more direct action?

And if so, what stopped you? Risk of getting sued? Risk of getting scorned?  Risk of losing your livelihood?

Doing the right thing is a matter of perspective. It's based on belief systems taught by society, by family, by media, by religious organizations, by radicals.  Consider the influences on YOUR perspectives carefully, and then challenge your reactions to the "can we (should we)" statements above.

Hack.

People deal with life in many different ways.
One person creates a Facebook page that attempts to find humor in Cancer as a way of dealing with the loss of a loved one.  ( http://www.facebook.com/pages/Cancer-is-funny-cause-people-die/174140266010061 )
Another person deals with that same Facebook page with anger, because he finds absolutely no humor in Cancer. Hundreds of thousands of people respond in kind, likely without reading anything on the actual page in question.
Threats are made. Cops are called. The page is Facebook "reported" and "investigated." Media gets told about it.

And all this amounts to what?

A HACK.

Whether or not there is a real person coping with Cancer or the loss of a loved one, hundreds of thousands of people have clogged up Facebook with their comments.

For what purpose?

Wikipedia: Hacking means finding out weaknesses in a computer or computer network, though the term can also refer to someone with an advanced understanding of computers and computer networks.[1] Hackers may be motivated by a multitude of reasons, such as profit, protest, or challenge.[2]

There can be no doubt that someone is protesting the Facebook Page, or protesting the User, or protesting Cancer, or maybe any combination thereof.

And if there's a Hack behind it all, surely it's a means to to place stress on Facebook servers, in an attempt to get them to fail?  To cause bad publicity for Facebook?  To overwork some intermediary server or internet infrastructure?


Or maybe it's more sinister than that.  Maybe the Hack is trying to dissuade Facebook users from using the service?  Or maybe it's an elaborate ruse to elevate text-notifications to increase per-text revenues from cell-phone carriers.

Whatever.

The bottom line is, when you add your comment to a thread on Facebook with 200,000 comments, the joke is on you, because your notifications will cause you to throw your cell phone across the room.  Your Facebook Notifications will climb to at least hundreds, if not thousands.

And you still haven't cured Cancer; the Facebook Page in question is still alive and well; as is the person who created it.

No, I didn't create the Facebook Page. Not guilty. I'm just someone who happened to notice the phenomenon.

Why don't we have a cure for Cancer? Is there too many people drawing salaries off research efforts?  Too many people who get paid to be cancer patient caregivers and medical personnel? Too much money being made off medical equipment and pharmaceuticals? There's a whole economy centered around Cancer - a huge economy.

Can't Be Friends With Direct Reports...

We knew this, right?
I mean, I'm not naive. I know that there's that "line" between getting along with the people you work with and  being friends with those people - especially when you are their boss.
The day will come when you will have to discipline them or terminate them or there will be a disagreement and the friendship will suffer, yada yada yada.
Or, the backstabbing scenario, in which something you said or did is used against you later, yada yada yada...
So why is it so easy to fall into the trap of trying to be friends with the people you work with?
Perhaps its because you find no common ground with my peers - other people who have similar/equal positions to my own. Perhaps it's because you have no desire to be friends with your boss.
However you justify it, the bottom line is that you spend the majority of your day with people you can't be true friends with.  It makes you feel fake, and lonesome, too.
My boss recently called me an employee advocate.  This, coming from the guy who believes firmly in the "coach them up or coach them out" strategy of employee retention.
So what if I defend employees who make my work-life easier?  So what if I defend employees who may not hit all their metrics, but are reliable, available, and decent human beings?
But then, I feel like a fool when I discover that perhaps those employees aren't as loyal to me as I am to them.
I can't blame them.  They look out for themselves, as well they should.  I'm just as quick to "throw my boss under the bus" probably, when it boils down to a debate.
But what is meant by his comment of "employee advocate?" Is he implying that my loyalty to my employees is misguided, that there is something going on I don't know about?
En Garde!

Cause, And My Effect.

Everyday I wish I could do more for my community, and less for my self. I wish, I wish, I wish.
I have a friend who donates his time delivering condoms to places of business for free distribution to those who need them, in the interest of safe sex and the prevention of STDs.
I have another friend who spears up GLBT awareness programs including an annual Pride Event.
Yet another friend donates his formidable floral talent to an organization that raises money for AIDS awareness, assistance and Support.
I have another friend who provides musical talent to a hospital that believes children's healing can be facilitated through song and music therapy.
What do I do?
I work.
Ugh.
When will my life create positive impact for other people?
Truth is, I work two jobs, come home exhausted, conk out early, and do it all again the next day.
I could donate time in the evenings to a charitable cause. But I don't.
Why not? Am I lazy? Am I disinterested in making the world a better place?
No.
I am interested, I am not lazy.
But I do lack inspiration.
What causes are out there that need my support? My help, my talents, my time?
Anyone?

Chick-Fil-A

While I personally will not support this business, I respect and support their right to run their business as they see fit. There is a term bandied about, that word, "christian," that implies love and compassion, and yet daily I see it abused in reference to people who do not exemplify it. Chick-Fil-A and its leaders hardly exemplify the word, when they choose to financially back hate groups that seek to demonize people like me. So Chick-Fil-A will not get my business, and I despise their brand of "christian," but I respect their right to operate their business and attract their own brand of so-called "christians."
There has been recent Facebook chatter about a "National Same Sex Kiss Day at Chick Fil A." Initially, I thought, "hell yeah, we should do that!" But after some thought and conversation with my husband, I find myself worried that the wisdom of this "National Same Sex Kiss Day at Chick Fil A" is flawed.
Several scenarios come to mind. A hot topic like this draws media - and the media cameras catch the horrified look of a poor mother sitting in the restaurant with her young children as gays kiss and she tries desperately to shield those kids eyes from it. The media interviews her on her reactions. Then the right-wingers and hate-filled-christians exploit the interview into soundbites and propaganda.
Or, god forbid, a protective father decides to defend his beliefs and his children from such sights as gays kissing by a vicious attack on those gays in that Chick-Fil-A, and a hate crime ensues.
My husband said, "I don't like the idea of using an expression of love to shock people." My husband is a smart man. We don't need to flaunt it, we don't need to sensationalize it. 
What we need is a national-scale boycott of the business, in which no gay, lesbian or gay/lesbian friendly individual or group does business with Chick-Fil-A. What we need is for corporate partners currently doing business with Chick-Fil-A to sever that partnership, like "The Muppets" have done. 
Whether or not Chick-Fil-A feels the impact of said boycott depends on the scale of that boycott - but our dollars could not be better not-spent. Or perhaps, invested instead in supporting a business that has positive policies regarding gays and lesbians. What more powerful statement could we as a community make than to build up and support a business that gives back to our community?
We can be vocal about our distaste with the business practices of Chick-Fil-A, and perhaps make a difference with regards to their evolution. But lets not forget to support the businesses that DO give their support to our community - and focus our energies (and money) there.

Occupy for the Arts--Support the SC Arts Commission

“The arts are the best insurance policy a city can take on itself.” –Woody Dumas, former Mayor of Baton Rouge

Occupy for the Arts--Support the SC Arts Commission
Monday, July 16, 2012
6:00pm until 8:00pm
https://www.facebook.com/events/297542153676982/

#SaveTheArtsinSC

If you care about the Arts in South Carolina (unlike Nikki Haley), then I encourage the use of the hashtag #SaveTheArtsinSC

"I'm not an actor.  But I have been on stage.
I would never take a job for no-pay.  And yet, I do months of work on a theatre project for nary a dime.
Occasionally, I get paid for my work in theatre.  It is a mere fraction of what it's worth.
Often, I screw it up royally. People still appreciate what I do.
Sometimes theatre stresses me out. I still love it.
Many of my theatre friends are more like family to me than my real family. And possibly know a lot more about me. And don't judge me.
I sweat, I bleed, I skip meals, I skip sleep, I forfeit fashion, I donate money, I raise money, I donate my photographic talents...   for theatre.
I laugh, I cry, I get angry, I yell, I fake orgasms...  for theatre.
Theatre has helped me be more confident, outgoing, and far less shy than I have ever been in my entire life.
Theatre is Art.
Art is my life."

Art affects my life in different ways, other than theatre.
One of my proudest purchases in my life is a tiny bit of original art bought at a fundraiser for a children's charity in Las Vegas, NV.  A "nobody" with a talent for landscapes, who was "somebody" enough to donate his work to raise money for that charity.
I've visited many an art gallery and witnessed first-hand original works of under-appreciated artists (in their life-time) like Monet, Renoir, and Van Gogh. Those visits rank among my most favorite tourist destinations and memories.
Once, while in Mexico, a man who makes his living off carving steel wood for sale to tourists thanked me sincerely for helping to feed his family through my purchase.
My own sister inspired me to read books on the Arthurian legends when she herself was cast in Camelot in high school. I have never been so proud of her, and so excited about reading and what may be loosely termed as "history," a subject which would have been otherwise rather blasé to me.

Art

In this entry, I'm exploring ideas on how Art affects our culture, our business and our lives.

Art is a cultural record.

The Arts serve as the primary signature of a culture, carrying our individual and collective images and ideas from one generation to another. The arts are a distinctive way of understanding and give purpose to learning: they provide tools for interpreting life’s experiences and develop a child’s identity and sense of self-worth. 


The word "Art" encompasses so much. 

“In my own philanthropy and business endeavors, I have seen the critical role that the arts play in stimulating creativity and in developing vital communities….the arts have a crucial impact on our economy and are an important catalyst for learning, discovery, and achievement in our country.”

–Paul G. Allen, Co-Founder, Microsoft

The "Arts" mean so little to some people.
The Arts Commission is essentially shut down in South Carolina.

Haley's vetoes cut 2 S.C. agencies

People who are employed at that agency have actually been instructed NOT to report for work on Monday. Real jobs are being affected.  Real people. Real art.  Real income.


Art is education.



The Arts Commission isn't the only potential casualty here: Jamie Harrington, who teaches Youth Classes at Town Theatre, and who's classes are in part funded by the State of South Carolina, may lose that funding as a result of this action.  Again, it's more than just Art we're talking here.  Harrington says, (Parents) "come to me and say 'You have no idea how much your program has helped my child. . . .' as they go on to explain how their child is shy, won't speak, is not accepted by their peers, etc. And I do see it. I see how little kids who are afraid to speak on day one, will stand up in front of over 300 people and say their lines with confidence when Town Theatre presents it's show at the end of the program. I see how children with Autism can excel and do well. It is a creative outlet that helps in every other aspect of their lives."

“Arts education aids students in skills needed in the workplace: flexibility, the ability to solve problems and communicate, the ability to learn new skills, to be creative and innovative, and to strive for excellence.”

– Joseph M. Calahan, Director of Cooperate Communications, Xerox Corporation

What has the "Arts" meant to me?


I have been involved in community theatre since 2006. The Arts have created a unique extended family for me. People who love me and accept me, people who respect my contributions, people who also respect my fears and dreams, and occasionally even my vision.
Theatre has been a joy, a source of stress, fun, full of emotion, stimulating...

“An elementary school that treats the arts as the province of a few gifted children, or views them only as recreation and entertainment, is a school that needs an infusion of soul. That arts are an essential element of education, just like reading, writing, and arithmetic.”

–William Bennett, Former US Secretary of Education

Boycott Hallandale Beach - Support Tomas Lopez

This militaristic logic of never-leave-your-post is ridiculous in these circumstances, where a person charged with saving lives is basically punished for doing exactly that. The city should be held accountable for their contractors, and Tomas Lopez should be offered a job by a company that will respect his morals. https://www.facebook.com/BoycottHallandaleBeachSupportTomasLopez

Freedom.

Tho mine perspective be skewed by civilized populations existing in buildings with modern plumbing and other amenities such as electricity and paved roads, I do believe the battle against antiquated attitudes towards homosexuals may be changing - and even if it is not, the youth of America are ousting out the old-timers and the battle shall be won anyway.
Bully Not, Ye of Little Tolerance.
Do No Harm, Ye of Little Love.
Live, Laugh, Love, Ye of Kind Spirit.
Judge Not, Ye Who Claim to be of Faith.
V is for "Victory."
For it is a civil battle of rights and equality, and You Can't Bring Me Down.

"breaking news?" Oh Cooper, wherefore art thou?"

Everybody always asks me why I'm a gay man who chose to move to South Carolina. There were practical reasons, of course, and I patiently explain those, and people expect those answers and move on. But those who want to get to know me ask me why I STAY in South Carolina. I tell them about our (Frank's & my) brief moment of "celebrity," having been a part of the historic move by Gavin Newsome to allow same-sex couples to marry in his fair city of San Francisco. The local gay media, upon finding out about it, interviewed Frank and I and ran a few articles about our experience. It was a happy and personal day for us, but sharing that experience with others gave it an even deeper meaning, knowing that it had the power to provide encouragement and hope.
Since Frank and I came to South Carolina, we have made no effort to hide our relationship in our jobs, our theatre community, the religious community we were affiliated with, or in our everyday lives.
I truly feel like Frank and I are decent examples that a loving, healthy relationship can survive and thrive in the "deep south," a claim backed by the fact that we have lived here since 2001. We merely live our lives, and yet the power of our example always draws comments from people about the quality of our relationship. We can honestly say we have a rich diversity of friends from both the gay and straight persuasion who accept us for who and what we are, and even welcome us.
I ask you, what better way to change minds and hearts than to live our lives openly and honestly amongst a community generally considered to be conservative and under-exposed to the GLBT community? I see lots of local heroes who deserve much more credit for their time and talents spent championing the GLBT community rights, health and visibility as activists and advocates.
Yet, recently I found myself a little torn about how I felt when the news "broke" that Anderson Cooper had come out as gay. OK, our community can use all the support it can get in our awareness campaigns and battle for equality - and yet I feel like Anderson Cooper deserves little right to hero-status for his "bravery" in coming out. He did nothing, in my perspective, except to take advantage of the ground work the real heroes have already laid to make life better for the GLBT community. He comes out now, when it's much safer, less risky, to do so.
After all, where was he during the "It Gets Better" movement to save lives of despairing teens - could his celebrity have been used as a voice to further that movement, or maybe even save one of those lives? Where was he when same sex marriage was topical in his own state - again, could his celebrity have been used to further that cause, to speak out against opposers?
I don't necessarily believe that he could have changed anything, but I do believe that persons who achieve celebrity status have a responsibility to use said celebrity to do good deeds for those less fortunate in their immediate community, especially if the plight of that community is at risk. I am unsympathetic to arguments that claim secrecy was necessary to maintain/build a career; unsympathetic to claims that "danger" would have befallen him in his rather privileged life - we ALL run those same risks and many of us thrive despite them.
All of this drives home in my mind the idea that it is SO important to be "out and proud," not in a outrageous way, but in a way that actually carries the power to change minds and hearts. Christine Johnson, The SC Equality Executive Director, puts it quite simply: "Say Yes!" - say yes to powerful examples of living your life open and proud in the hope that one conservative mind might be changed, that one depressed teenage life might be saved, that one disenchanted person might find validation in the eyes of a religion they hold dear, or in that one happy couple who might find financial or emotional relief knowing the legality of their relationship is not a question in the eyes of the law. Can one person do all this? Perhaps not - but we ALL can.

I' m reyght n your rong.

I'm on a punctuation and grammar soapbox for a moment: we are not all perfect. We, however, live in an age of spell check, virtual reference books, and grammar apps. Presumably, since we are all on a computer/tablet/smartphone, we all have access to such resources. So why is it, when we try to be all "high and mighty" in our judgement of others, can't we at least get our grammar, punctuation and spelling correct, and look like a damn fool for what we are saying, instead of how we are writing it?
Take, for example, this Facebook virus, er, I mean, viral posting:

In it, the author makes the claim that he or she is smart. Oh yeah, so smart, and can't even figure out apostrophe usage.

No doubt the Health Care System is abused. No doubt at all. I marvel only at the graphic, in which someone took the time to come up with a clever rhyme, arrange it aesthetically, claim authority by saying "I'm smart," and then, in the same line of text, commit an error with the apostrophe. And I didn't even mention the quotation misuse at the end of the previous stanza. Such errors rob the author of the very authority he or she claims. That he or she took such time to create this graphic for public dissemination, but didn't take the time to check it for errors prior to publishing: it undermines the whole point.

Say what you want about Rush Limbaugh, but when he is correctly quoted as saying, "If this passes and it's five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented - I am leaving the country.  I'll go to Costa Rica."  So now, we get to make fun of him for the fact that he's an idiot - because Costa Rica has the very Universal Healthcare he is trying to escape.  Also, it motivates me to want Universal Healthcare in the U.S., because perhaps Mr. Limbaugh will keep that promise.

Ageist Humor in Birthday Cards.

There's nothing funny about growing old - is there?
Jokes about dentures and wrinkles and sex drive and bodily functions - not for the young, are they?
Why is there a whole genre of birthday cards designed to expound upon the horrors of growing old?
Even more important, why is there a whole hoard of insensitive consumers to support it?
Physically, I am fit (for my age), attractive (for my age), and healthy (for my age). Frankly, I am tired of qualifying such statements with "for my age!" Why should I have to? What numbskull conditioned me to think that growing old makes me less... anything?
Oh yeah, I remember. The Advertisers, the Media, the Hallmarks and the youth of America. Together, they fuel the depression many "older folks" feel.
And don't get me wrong- I agree that the younger set holds an attractiveness that I can't hope to compare myself to. I also agree that wrinkles, ailments and the like are inevitable and possibly unattractive.
But I believe, also, that I have met many attractive "older folks," made more so by their life experiences and perspectives - and yes, even their physical condition.
I lead an active lifestyle that includes biking, working out and an active social life - and this helps me to feel and look better. I suspect that those who don't care for their body by staying active may not feel and look better.
But let's not die by not trying! Too many people "give up" or "give in" to getting old. Many studies have shown that simply walking daily can drastically improve health and mental state as we age. Other forms of exercise, such as biking, aerobics or yoga have high impact on the mental state and don't wreak havoc on the body. Perhaps extreme sports may be out of reach for some of us as we age or our (involuntary) health deteriorates, but there is still so much of our lives we can control!
Personally, I vote that we create a line of birthday cards that celebrate the beauties of growing old - inspiration by example, success stories and motivational cards - and stop supporting Ageist-Humor greeting cards that year down our morale!